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comments on this that if the son goes off and leaves them who should
he instruct to look after them?! The Aruch Hashulchan (ibid., 32)
answers: “The Rambam’s meaning is that the most deranged individ-
uals need to be restrained with shackles and ropes. The son himself
cannot do this to his parents, therefore he instructs others to do so
and he should leave.”

Thus, even though the father needs to be shackled for his own
the son may not do this because it is forbidden him to do anything
scornful or disrespectful to his parent, even though it is for his father’s
good. It is the same in our case – a person should not become angry
at his father even though doing so will ultimately benefit him.



Is a Father’s Forgoing the Honor and Respect

Due to Him Effective?

We still have to clarify whether, if a father says that he forgoes the
respect due to him and gives his son permission to entertain angry
thought towards him, his forgoing the honor due to him is effective.

Now, the Minchas Chinuch (Mitzvah 48, 2) writes, “The Torah
only holds a child who strikes his parent liable if he did so without
their permission but if they told him to strike them or to curse
them, he does not transgress this commandment not is he liable for
the death penalty. The gemara’s question (Sanhedrin 84b) regarding
whether a son may perform bloodletting for his father refers to doing
so against the father’s wishes but if his father is forgoing and instructs
him to strike him the son bears no liability whatsoever.”

This is also implied by the Sefer Hachinuch (Mitzvah 212) who
writes,“‘Each man, his mother and father you shall respect’… whoever
transgresses this and makes light of respecting them has annulled this
positive commandment, unless he did so with the father’s knowledge
and forgiveness because ‘a father who forgoes his honor, his honor is
forgone.’”

192 1 Medical-Halachic Responsa of Rav Zilberstein