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In the sefer Binas Reuven (Kiddushin 25) the author cites explicit
proof of the effectiveness of a father’s forgoing his disgrace from the
gemara (ibid. 32a) which relates that Rav Huna ripped silken gar-
ments in the presence of his son Rabbah to test him and see whether
he would become angry. The gemara asks how Rav Huna could have
done such a thing, for had his son become angry and spoken to him
disrespectfully, Rav Huna would have been guilty of leading his son
to sin. The gemara answers that Rav Huna forwent his honor in ad-
vance – we thus see that the father’s forgiveness is effective.
The Rivash (response 220) however, implies that a father’s for-
going his honor is ineffective. The Rivash writes, “When they said,
‘A teacher who forgoes his honor, it is effective.’ this refers only to
situations where he will not be treated disrespectfully e.g. he forgoes
his disciple standing up in respect for him etc. – such forms of honor
he can forgo. However, he cannot forgo disrespect… this is similar
to their statement there that if a father forgoes his honor it is effec-
tive, which cannot mean that the father is entitled to allow his son
to direct blasphemous insults at him.” A father thus has no right to
forgo his disgrace. The Minchas Chinuch himself also writes this
(Mitzvah 212, 4), as follows:“Regarding the Chinuch’s statement that
a father who forgoes his honor, it is effective – see Ran in Kiddushin
who writes that although he can forgo his honor his forgoing cannot
extend to anguish and disgrace that his child deals him.” [He is appar-
ently referring to the Ran’s comments (on the Rif to Kiddushin, 32)
namely, that the fact that Rava took exception to the Amoraim who
did not rise at all in his honor [i.e. neither rising fully to their feet
not even raising themselves slightly as a token of respect] when he
served them at his son’s wedding – which was a sign of disrespect, not
merely a lack of honor – implies that forgoing disrespect is ineffective,
otherwise Rava would surely have forgone this slight.]
This seems to contradict the Minchas Chinuch’s comments in
Mitzvah 48 that if a father tells his son to strike him nothing prevents
the son from doing so. The Binas Reuven too proved that a father can
forgo his disgrace.
There seems to be a difference between willingly forgoing honor,
Disrespectful thoughts towards Parents 2 193