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order to upset her” (Shmuel I, 1,6) – “[meaning,] to get her to pray to
Hashem” (Rashi). Yet despite her good intentions she was punished
with the death of her own children. This is because we have no right
to make another person suffer even though this will ultimately bring
him benefit and blessing.

Our Sages have said, “The best of physicians is destined for Gehi-
nom” (Kiddushin 82a). Rav Chaim of Volozhin explains this in light
of the Rambam’s comments (Shemoneh Perakim, 3), namely that just
as the body has sicknesses, the soul too has ailments of its own. Just as
with physical illnesses some physicians will give mild medication that
acts over a long period and others will administer potent medication
that heals immediately, so it is with treating diseases of the soul. One
[kind of spiritual] physician will prescribe a mild form of repentance
which takes a while to cure e.g. a forty day fast, while another can
administer a potent, bitter remedy, such as embarrassing the person
in public so that he hears his shame but remains silent, thus curing
him immediately. This shamer may be“the best of physicians” because
he cures his colleague in a moment – as we find:‘There are individuals
who acquire their eternal life in a moment’ (Avodah Zarah 10b) –
but this physician who has provided “the best” healing [nonetheless]
inherits Gehinom… This is the meaning of ‘The best of physicians
are destined for Gehinom.’” (cited in Likutei Anshei Shem (Vayikra,
end of Tazriya)

It is thus forbidden to do someone else“a favor” and break his stub-
bornness by embarrassing him. It is apparently similarly forbidden to
be angry at a parent in one’s imagination or to negate him and scorn
him in one’s heart, despite the great benefit that is liable to result from
doing so.

See the Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh De’ah, 240,10) who rules, “A per-
son whose father or mother has become insane should try to work
with them according to their [intellectual] capacity until they merit
mercy i.e. until their sanity is restored. However, if he cannot stand
it because they are so markedly changed, he should go off and leave
them, instructing others to treat them properly.” The source of this
halachah is the Rambam (Hilchos Mamrim, 6,10). The Raavad (ibid.)

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