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Dr. Shneur Hoffman, the Mental
Health Stop, Rechovot

ɳ Response

Our response must be divided into two parts: 1. If the father has not
yet repented and continues his bad habits; 2. After the father has
repented.

We shall start with the first situation, where the father has not
yet repented. The Rema (Yoreh De’ah, 240,8) writes, “According to
some opinions so long as the father has not yet repented there is no
obligation to honor him.” According to this view the question doesn’t
arise because there is no obligation to honor an evildoer. However,
relying on this is not straightforward since the Shach (ibid., 20)
writes,“Even though he is not obligated to honor him, it is forbidden
to upset him.” Since the father would be pained were he to find out
about the therapy his daughter is undergoing and the fact that she is
being guided to scorn him, it is forbidden to cause him distress.

It’s possible though, that even if the father were to find out about the
therapy it is permitted, because the Torah only forbids embarrassing
a father and showing him disrespect when this is being done in order
to humiliate him but not if it is done for therapeutic purposes. This
treatment benefits his daughter – which ultimately benefits him too,
if his daughter is healthy and able to marry and raise a family. This is
no “disgrace”; rather it is “recovery” and preparation for marriage.

Proof that it is permitted to embarrass and pain a parent for a ben-
eficial purpose can be adduced from King Chizkiyahu who dragged
his father’s bones on a bed of ropes as the gemara tells us in maseches
Pesachim (56a) where Rashi explains, “He dragged his father’s bones
as a means of atonement, not burying him with honor upon a fine cot
or bier; he did so in order to sanctify Heaven, so that he should un-
dergo humiliation on account of his wickedness and other evildoers
should be chastised.” The gemara there concludes, “The Sages agreed
that he had acted appropriately.” It is thus permitted to shame one’s
father for a beneficial purpose and particularly in this case, where the

198 1 Medical-Halachic Responsa of Rav Zilberstein