Page 102 - The Freckled Eye - Book

You know me, I don't focus on these types of possible realities, but they are
there. Everything in my life is FEAR and in the GRAY AREA right now. I LOVE
YOU SO MUCH. You are my best buddy! I just hope you can help me with
this, even if you don't agree with my feelings, can you find it in your heart to
help me not feel gray and scared in our world? I'm needing lots of black and
white elephant noses... no gray ones.

When I'm all better we can go back to our ridiculous bantering Ok? I love
you.

END OF LETTER

· If I could share one thing with friends and family members, is to try and be
patient. There is a wave of emotions that sits on the shoulders of someone
going through this, each day, waiting for the moment to unleash its full
power. As time goes by, that fear can get lost and manifest itself elsewhere,
causing fights and misunderstandings. Try and be patient. This is a horrible
amount of stress to carry.

The day had finally ended and we’d luckily made it through. Thank goodness
we were able to communicate through this letter, to bring us back or maybe it
was to bring “me” back. Today is just another reminder of the amount of
stress I’m going through. It can wreak havoc in your life, in every nook and
cranny, at any moment.

The last year and a half had been really difficult for Jay and I. We’d both
expressed times where we didn’t think we’d make it through, but we have. I’m
just thankful we’ve continued to work through it, because I’ve needed him
here with me, more than I could have ever imagined.

I remember when I had first made the decision to come to Tahoe, I had initial
thought that I wanted to be here by myself. I knew that if Jay or anyone else
came, I’d have to compromise with their wants and needs, and that’s exactly
what I didn’t want to do. I wanted to find myself again. But things changed
and I was now fighting for my life. Having him here with me was exactly what
I needed and I was exactly where I needed to be. Thank you my sweet Jay
for being here and standing by me through the craziest time in my life.