Page 157 - The Freckled Eye - Book

say it again. "What do you mean?" I asked. She said it again, "Your tumor
completely shrank, it’s totally flat. " I asked Dr. Phan what does that
mean? She said, my tumor, had it been bigger, patients would usually have
to wait 9 to 12 months for this kind of result.

When I heard that, I was elated, but in a bit of disbelief. I hadn’t heard good
news in 15 months. I was hesitant to believe it and let my guard down. I’d
built up a defense wall, holding back all my emotions, through all of this. I
looked at my mom. Several tears rolled down my face. I embraced her and
then I embraced Dr. Phan.

Dr. Phan continued to say that the healing had gone so well, she’d move me
to 6 months follow up visits, instead of the 3 month check ups. More great
news. I was still in a bit shock, and asked her again, "So, what do expect for
our 6-month checkup?" She said, "Moving forward, we’ll just watch it. With
the hope that all the cancer cells have died. The only way to know for sure is
time. " I then asked her, "What happens if it grew?" She said, "The eye would
be taken out." I kind of wish I hadn’t asked that, but I did. My defense wall, holding
me up through all of this, was staying not coming down just yet.

Mom and I started walking out of the hospital. It was like I was shell shocked. It’s hard
to believe we were done. I’d been living this for 15 months on a major roller coaster ride
of emotions. It was still inside me. I could feel a headache starting to come. I was
surprised I wasn’t more excited about the good news, that the mole had shrunk, but I
wasn’t. Had it really? Did it die or would it come back. Was it really over? I had
gotten so used to hearing bad news, that good news was having a hard time settling
in.

Once we got to the car, mom and I hadn’t eaten. So, we decided to go down to the San
Francisco wharf to have lunch. We ordered our favorite calamari from a street
vendor. Then sat on a bench, out in the sun and fed the seagulls. It was a perfect
moment to unwind. Today was stressful. I loved being with mom, and being
together. She’s exactly what I needed in this moment. We enjoyed our lunch and then
headed back to San Ramon. Mom was driving, because my eyes were still dilated. I
started really getting tired and the headache was building. Mom told me to relax, which
I did. I’d been through a lot and I was exhausted.

Once we got home, I shared the news with my brother and then sent a text to
his wife Jill. I was really starting to hit a wall. Mom told me to go upstairs
and lay down. She was right as always. I needed to be quiet.

I then called Jay to let him know what happened. He was emotional, I could
tell, because he got very quiet. Jay had road this crazy ride all the way. He