Page 93 - kf fyi for your improvement license eng 3-4-15

P. 93

7. Too emotional? Keep your cool. Sometimes our emotional reactions lead others to think we have
problems with conflict. What emotional reactions do you have? Impatience? Non-verbals like flushing
or drumming your pen or fingers? Learn to recognize them as soon as they start and substitute
something more neutral. Most emotional responses to conflict come from personalizing the issue.
Separate people issues from the problem at hand and deal with them separately. Always return to
facts and the problem before the group; stay away from personal clashes. Try on their views for
size—the emotion as well as the content. Ask yourself if you understand their feelings. Ask what they
would do if they were in your shoes. Take time out to restate each other’s position. Show that you
recognize that’s how they see things. If you get emotional, pause and collect yourself. You are not
your best when you get emotional. Then return to the problem.

8. Easily provoked? Watch for triggers. Most of us have certain things that trigger a reaction. What
pushes your buttons? Do specific people, issues, styles, or groups set you off? Think about the last
several times you handled conflict poorly. What was common in the situations? Are there three to five
common themes? Are the same people involved? Different people but the same style? Certain kinds
of issues? Once you have isolated the cause, mentally rehearse a better way of handling it when it
comes up next time. Try role playing it. Often the first few sentences are the hardest. Work with
someone you trust and practice how you’ll start the conversation the next time the situation arises.
Test out different approaches. Identify one you’re most comfortable with.

Want to learn more? Take a deep dive…

Eisaguirre, L. (2008, April). Communicating effectively during conflict. Mediate.com.
Harper, J. (2012, July 18). 10 Tips for tackling the toughest workplace conflicts: A guide to resolving
on-the-job disputes. U.S. News & World Report.
Heffernan, M. (2012, August). Margaret Heffernan: Dare to disagree [Video file]. TED.
Trikha, R. (2012, May 15). How to manage your emotions in the workplace: Tips for expressing your
feelings in the workplace. U.S. News & World Report.

9. Too focused on differences? Seize on common points of agreement. Almost all conflicts have
common points that get lost in the heat of the battle. After a conflict has been presented and
understood, start by saying that it might be helpful to see if we agree on anything. Write them down. If
it’s difficult to find common ground, start by going back to the most basic principles: “We both want
this program to succeed.” “We both want the right outcome for our customers.” Then write down the
areas left open. Keep the open conflicts as small as possible and concrete. Address the problem by
focusing on common goals, priorities, and problems, not people and their positions. Allow others to
save face by conceding small points that are not central to the issue; don’t try to hit a home run every
time. If you can’t agree on a solution, agree on a process to move forward. Collect more data. Appeal
to a higher power. Get a third-party arbitrator. Something. This creates some positive motion and
breaks stalemates.

10. Each possesses something the other wants? Give in order to get. Since you can’t absolutely win
all conflicts (unless you keep pulling rank), you have to learn to bargain and trade. Relationships don’t
last unless you provide something and so does the other person. Find out what they want and tell

88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98