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messages. It is important to know and understand local practices as well as understand that
individuals also react according to general cultural norms for conflict situations. Watch and learn. As a
rule of thumb, move with caution until there is full understanding of what locals do and what the
cultural context may be. Don’t criticize the practices of other cultures. Fully understand the
implications of your remarks.

Want to learn more? Take a deep dive…

Davis, M. P. (2013, January 18). Want your team to work together? Start a fight. Inc.
Hallett, T. (n.d.). The 7 Cs of communication: A checklist for clear communication. Mind Tools.
Martin, J. (2014, January 17). For senior leaders, fit matters more than skill. Harvard Business
Review Blog Network.
Myatt, M. (2012, February 22). 5 Keys of dealing with workplace conflict. Forbes.

4. Causing unnecessary conflict? Choose words appropriately. Words are powerful. Language and
timing set the tone and can cause unnecessary conflict that has to be managed before you can move
on to the real issues. Self-check your language. Do you use terms and phrases that may be
perceived as challenging or demeaning to others? Use negative or aggressive humor? Offer
conclusions, solutions, statements, dictates, or answers early in the transaction? When you give
solutions first, people often directly challenge the solutions instead of defining the problem. Slow
down. Give reasons first, solutions last. Pick words that are neutral. That don’t challenge or sound
one-sided. Use tentative rather than definitive language; give others a chance to maneuver and save
face. Phrase your comments so they’re about the problem and not the person. Avoid direct blaming
remarks; describe the problem and its impact.

5. Judgmental? Stay neutral. Rather than judging, focus on observing what’s going on with other
people. People can sense your judgment, disdain, lack of interest. If you can’t stay neutral,
constructive, and solution oriented, you can’t expect others to either. Stay in tune with what others are
experiencing and how they are reacting. If they’re confused, state your point differently. Angry? Stop
and find out what’s going on. Quiet? Ask a question to get them engaged. Disinterested? Figure out
what’s in it for them. Watch the reactions of people to what you are doing or saying. Be ready to
adjust.

6. Tensions escalating? Turn it around. Being attacked? Let the other side vent frustration and blow
off steam but don’t react directly. Listen. Nod. Ask open-ended questions: “What’s bothering you
most?” “What could I do to help?” Restate the person’s position periodically to signal you have
understood: “What I think you’re saying is…” “So you think I need to…” Don’t judge. Allow the person
to keep talking until they run out of venom. When the other side takes a rigid position, don’t reject it.
Explore the principles behind the position—what’s the theory of the case, what brought this about?
People will usually respond by saying more, coming off their position a bit, or at least revealing their
true interests. Always separate the people from the problem. When someone attacks you, rephrase it
as an attack on the problem. Many times, with unlimited venting and your understanding, the actual
conflict shrinks.

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