Page 181 - The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

as often as you desire, but she was giving you negative
words, making critical remarks, sometimes putting you
down in front of others, do you think you would feel loved by
her?”
“I don’t think so,” he replied. “I think I would feel
betrayed and deeply hurt. I think I would be depressed.”
“Bob,” I said, “I think we have just discovered that your
primary love language is ‘Words of Affirmation.’ Sexual
intercourse is extremely important to you and to your sense
of intimacy with Carol, but her words of affirmation are
more important to you emotionally. If she were, in fact,
verbally critical of you all the time and put you down in front
of other people, the time may come when you would no
longer desire to have sexual intercourse with her because
she would be a source of deep pain to you.”

Bob had made the mistake common to many men:
assuming that “Physical Touch” is their primary love
language because they desire sexual intercourse so
intensely. For the male, sexual desire is physically based.
That is, the desire for sexual intercourse is stimulated by
the buildup of sperm cells and seminal fluid in the seminal
vesicles. When the seminal vesicles are full, there is a
physical push for release. Thus, the male’s desire for
sexual intercourse has a physical root.