Page 184 - The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

I remember Mary in Kitchener, Ontario, who said, “Dr.
Chapman, what hurts me most is that Ron never lifts a hand
to help me around the house. He watches television while I
do all the work. I don’t understand how he could do that if he
really loved me.” Mary’s deepest hurt, mainly that Ron did
not help her do things around the house, was the clue to her
primary love language—“Acts of Service.” If it grieves you
deeply that your spouse seldom gives you a gift for any
occasion, then perhaps your primary love language is
“Receiving Gifts.” If your deepest hurt is that your spouse
seldom gives you quality time, then that is your primary love
language.
Another approach to discovering your primary love
language is to look back over your marriage and ask,
“What have I most often requested of my spouse?”
Whatever you have most requested is probably in keeping
with your primary love language. Those requests have
probably been interpreted by your spouse as nagging. They
have been, in fact, your efforts to secure emotional love
from your spouse.
Elizabeth, who lived in Maryville, Indiana, used that
approach in discovering her primary love language. She
said to me at the conclusion of a seminar session,
“Whenever I look back over the last ten years of my
marriage and ask myself what have I most requested of
Peter, my love language becomes obvious. I have
requested ‘Quality Time’ most often. Over and over again, I