Page 183 - The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

physical technique but everything to do with meeting
emotional needs.
After further conversation and reflection, Bob said,
“You know, I think you are right. ‘Words of Affirmation’ is
definitely my primary love language. When she has been
cutting and critical of me verbally, I tend to withdraw from
her sexually and fantasize about other women. But when
she tells me how much she appreciates me and admires
me, my natural sexual desires are turned toward her.” Bob
had made a significant discovery in our brief conversation.

What is your primary love language? What makes you
feel most loved by your spouse? What do you desire above
all else? If the answer to those questions does not leap to
your mind immediately, perhaps it will help to look at the
negative use of love languages. What does your spouse do
or say or fail to do or say that hurts you deeply? If, for
example, your deepest pain is the critical, judgmental
words of your spouse, then perhaps your love language is
“Words of Affirmation.” If your primary love language is
used negatively by your spouse—that is, he does the
opposite—it will hurt you more deeply than it would hurt
someone else because not only is he neglecting to speak
your primary love language, he is actually using that
language as a knife to your heart.