Page 86 - The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

a friendly, uninterrupted context. Most individuals who
complain that their spouse does not talk do not mean
literally that he or she never says a word. They mean that he
or she seldom takes part in sympathetic dialogue. If your
spouse’s primary love language is quality time, such
dialogue is crucial to his or her emotional sense of being
loved.
Quality conversation is quite different from the first love
language. Words of affirmation focus on what we are
saying, whereas quality conversation focuses on what we
are hearing. If I am sharing my love for you by means of
quality time and we are going to spend that time in
conversation, it means I will focus on drawing you out,
listening sympathetically to what you have to say. I will ask
questions, not in a badgering manner but with a genuine
desire to understand your thoughts, feelings, and desires.

I met Patrick when he was forty-three and had been
married for seventeen years. I remember him because his
first words were so dramatic. He sat in the leather chair in
my office and after briefly introducing himself, he leaned
forward and said with great emotion, “Dr. Chapman, I have
been a fool, a real fool.”
“What has led you to that conclusion?” I asked.
“I’ve been married for seventeen years,” he said, “and
my wife has left me. Now I realize what a fool I’ve been.”