Page 88 - The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

Many of us…are trained to analyze problems and create
solutions. We forget that marriage is a relationship, not a
project to be completed or a problem to solve.

“I would withdraw and go about my business. What a
fool I was,” he said, “what a fool! Now I realize that she
didn’t want advice when she told me about her struggles at
work. She wanted sympathy. She wanted me to listen, to
give her attention, to let her know that I could understand the
hurt, the stress, the pressure. She wanted to know that I
loved her and that I was with her. She didn’t want advice;
she just wanted to know that I understood. But I never tried
to understand. I was too busy giving advice. What a fool.
And now she is gone. Why can’t you see these things when
you are going through them?” he asked. “I was blind to what
was going on. Only now do I understand how I failed her.”

Patrick’s wife had been pleading for quality conversation.
Emotionally, she longed for him to focus attention on
her by listening to her pain and frustration. Patrick was not
focusing on listening but on speaking. He listened only long
enough to hear the problem and formulate a solution. He
didn’t listen long enough or well enough to hear her cry for
support and understanding.
Many of us are like Patrick. We are trained to analyze
problems and create solutions. We forget that marriage is