Page 29 - aruba-today-20171028

A29
PEOPLE & ARTS Saturday 28 OctOber 2017
Author Esther Perel takes unconventional look at infidelity

By MARIA DANILOVA ments and the disillusion-
Associated Press ments of marriage: resent-
WASHINGTON (AP) — ment, loneliness, discon-
“Does it have anything to nectedness-disconnection,
do with us? Does it have sexual frustration, sexual
nothing to do with us?” denial. But the more inter-
In her new book, “The State esting finding for me, the
of Affairs: Rethinking Infidel- most surprising, was that
ity” (Harper), Belgian-born people even in satisfying
couples therapist Esther relationships cheat. Infi-
Perel takes an unconven- delity occurs in good mar-
tional look at infidelity. riages, in bad marriages,
Contrary to conventional in open marriages. It is not
wisdom, which holds that always a rejection of the
cheating is a symptom of partner, but more often a
problems in a relationship, rejection of who we have
Perel argues that affairs become. It’s not so much
can occur in happy mar- that we are going to look
riages. What’s more, Perel for another person, but
believes, infidelity will not people long to reconnect
always destroy a relation- with lost versions of them-
ship but sometimes give it selves. Author Esther Perel author of “The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity” is photographed at the the
new life. AP: You’ve said in your talks Associated Press offices in Washington, Tuesday, Oct. 17, 2017.
In a recent interview with that love needs security, Associated Press
The Associated Press, Perel safety and reliability while feeling alive when they relationship. Some affairs they needed to have had
talked about the roots of sexual desire is about nov- have affairs and alive is are basically an excuse to that experience once.
infidelity, ways of coping elty, mystery and risk. How very different from sex and finally leave for both peo- AP: How should one cope
with it and the secrets to can we reconcile these excitement. Alive is what ple. Some affairs remake a with infidelity?
maintaining erotic desire in two? Can we have both you experience when you relationship, jolt people out Perel: The first stage is deal-
a long-term relationship. love and passion in a mar- break your own rules, when of a state of complacency, ing with the acute pain, of
Associated Press: Does in- riage? you trespass out of your realizing how far they’ve the shattering, of the shak-
fidelity necessarily mean Perel: Of course! There are own constraints, when you gone from each other, re- ing up of the foundation of
that there are problems in plenty of people who love feel free, when you feel au- alizing that they don’t want the relationship, the trust,
the marriage? their partner and desire tonomous, when you feel to lose what they have, the intimacy, of the loss
Perel: Infidelity has accom- their partner. They are dia- like maybe for the first time that they actually value of the predictable future.
panied marriage since lectical, but they are not in a long time you are do- it greatly. It’s a powerful You thought you knew your
marriage was invented. mutually exclusive. ... But ing something that is just alarm system. Some affairs life, you thought you knew
This is part of why I wanted that doesn’t mean that for you, after you’ve been — it’s a new love and a where it’s going and noth-
to write this book: it’s ubiq- they are irreconcilable. there for everybody else person wants another life. ing is sure anymore. It has
uitous, it’s so common and Why people stray has mul- your whole life. And in some affairs people to do with remorse, it has to
it’s so poorly understood. tiple reasons. Oftentimes AP: So what is your advice? realize that they actually do with the acknowledg-
Of course there are the affairs take place in the When infidelity does occur, really cherish what they ment of the hurt on the part
many reasons that have shadow of mortality. I know what is to be done? have and what they want of the person who caused
to do with the disenchant- that people talk about Perel: Some affairs break a is to come back home, but it.q

Actress Rose McGowan says her

silence over on sexual assault

By JEFF KAROUB mare,” she said. “I have has amassed support-
Associated Press been silenced for 20 years. ers and urged them to
DETROIT (AP) — In her first I have been slut-shamed, call out harassment using
public comments since I have been harassed, I the #RoseArmy hashtag.
accusing film producer have been maligned, and McGowan has starred
Harvey Weinstein of rape, you know what? I am just in several films, including
actress Rose McGowan like you. What happened “Scream,” ‘’Jawbreaker,”
said Friday she has been to me behind the scenes and “Planet Terror,” as well
“silenced for 20 years” but happens to all of us in this as the early 2000s television
won’t remain quiet about society. It cannot stand series “Charmed.”
sexual assault and harass- and will not stand.” Weinstein was fired from
ment. McGowan has been one The Weinstein Company on Actress Rose McGowan speaks at the inaugural Women’s
McGowan, delivering of the leading voices Oct. 8 after The New York Convention in Detroit, Friday, Oct. 27, 2017. McGowan recently
opening remarks at The against sexual harassment Times published an expose went public with her allegation that film company co-founder
Women’s Convention in in Hollywood, and tweeted that detailed decades of Harvey Weinstein raped her.
Detroit, thanked the audi- earlier this month that she sexual harassment allega- Associated Press
ence “for giving me wings was raped by a man with tions against him. The Os- that he raped them. hotel room during the Sun-
during this very difficult the initials “HW.” The Hol- car-winning producer apol- The New York Times also re- dance Film Festival in Utah.
time.” lywood Reporter said Mc- ogized without addressing ported that Weinstein paid Weinstein representative
“The triggering has been in- Gowan confirmed she was any specific conduct, but a financial settlement of Sallie Hofmeister has de-
sane — the monster’s face referring to Weinstein. has denied later allega- $100,000 to McGowan in nied all allegations of non-
everywhere, my night- On Twitter, McGowan tions by several women 1997 over an incident in a consensual sex.q