Page 31 - Consider The Lillies of the Field - My Story: Jill Kemp

I was terrified to visit her, even after I was married. I'd go there and I'd
feel all the old insecurities come back. Nothing I did was right, she was
always critical of me and I felt so un-comfortable that I avoided visiting
or even phoning her. But God gave me a courage when I was afraid to
go and see Mum, I'll read it to you from Isaiah Chapter 50 verse 6. It
talks about when Jesus was afraid to face hurt. “I offered my back

to those who beat me and my cheeks to those who pulled
out my beard. I did not hide my face from mocking and
spitting, because the sover-eign Lord helps me I will not be
disgraced. He who vindicates me is near.” God impressed on my

heart, “Go and visit your mother, show her love, show her kindness,”
and I went in obedience. It wasn't easy but it was made easier because I
knew to whom she belonged. Jealousy is a terrible thing.

There is a verse in the Bible in Proverbs 27:4 which says: Wrath is
cruel and anger is outrageous but who is able to stand before
envy? (jealousy.) People ask me why Mum did this to us? I tell them it
was because she was sleep deprived, because she was jealous, because she
had suffered a nervous breakdown and because of her background. That is

no excuse to abuse children, but it did help me to understand. One thing I
know for sure is that the suffering I went through has given me a heart of
compassion for people with needs and it has put “iron in my soul.” One
of the hardest things to overcome is fear; I had terrible panic attacks,
nameless terror. Heart palpitations and fear even at the thought of having
to pick up the telephone and talk to Mum. It takes courage to face your
fears. But God has given me courage. He has given me joy and peace.
Sometimes when I ask people if they would come and help me at
mainly music they will often say

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