Page 126 - Taming Your Gremlin A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way (Rick Carson)_Neat

The last category (the M column) may need some clarification. Here’s
an example: A client of mine, Russell, recently discovered he has inherited
what he calls his dad’s “pushiness.” He says he wants to modify this quality

by keeping his father’s assertiveness and his forthrightness when it comes
to standing up for himself, but he wants to eliminate the brash insensitivity
to others he saw in his dad and sometimes witnesses in himself. By bringing
this quality into his awareness and noting it as one he wishes to modify,
Russell has already begun to lessen its hypnotic hold on him.

To enhance his process of personal growth, Russell can simply notice
his tendency toward pushiness as it is occurring, and he can simply notice
the concepts playing through his mind at those moments. He may, for

example, note that he tends to be pushy when he feels vulnerable, when his
in charge act is on the line, or when his gremlin has him frightened of being
rejected or abandoned. Having noticed this, he can play with options. He
might, for example, relax, breathe, and feel his pushiness (his belief that he
needs to have his way and the bodily experience that accompanies it). Or he
might accent his gremlin chatter (probably something about the necessity to

control others or else get hurt), or even his own pushiness. He can change
for a change if he chooses, and experiment with modifying the behavior,
going overboard perhaps, by being placating or even self-effacing. The
main thing is that he simply notice, be at choice, and play with options.

Via an intense experiential version of the exercise you’ve just
completed, Sharon, a participant in one of my recent seminars, became
quite certain that while she deeply loved, truly liked, and much admired her
mother, she had assimilated from her one particularly disturbing tendency.

Sharon became aware that, like her mother, she was often harried. She
tended to overwhelm herself with things to do and to scurry about feeling
anxious, certain she would never complete all that she had to do. Sharon
noticed that this was most true for her when she was at her office and her
workday was drawing to a close. At these times, Sharon’s thoughts usually

became scattered and rapid, her breathing shallow and fast, and, like her
mother, she moved in a fashion she termed as “jerky and frenetic.”

Consumed with worry during these times, Sharon became insensitive to
what was going on around her and often misplaced things. She was