Page 29 - How Changing Your Anger Can Help You Be a Better Parent book

Create an Emergency Anger Tool

One of the most fundamental and effective Healthy Anger Tools is an emergency anger tool called
the Personal Stress Plan.

You can create and develop your customized and individualized Personal Stress Plan for when
you get into the heat of an angry moment with your child or anyone else.

Your unique Personal Stress Plan consists of quick active strategies and mindful strategies to
help you meet the needs of your changing brain and body when you get angry.

These in-the-moment strategies will help activate the calming part of your central nervous system
and shift your brain into a clearer-thinking state.

You can create and develop quick ways that will help you calm down. These tools can fall into
two types, active and mindful.

When you get angry with your child, you can do things that will help you avoid saying or doing
something that you may regret later. You can actively walk away from your child for a moment to
pause and gather your thoughts. Maybe doing something with your hands or snapping your
fingers can help you refocus on a healthier way to express your anger.

You can also think of some mindful things for your Personal Stress Plan, too. You can use
intentional breathing, positive self-talk, think of a relaxing place, or other mindful imagery to
distract yourself for just a few moments while you pause and calm down.

Your Personal Stress Plan will be unique since everyone is different and will have different ways
to calm and regulate when getting angry.

Here are some more suggestions for Active Personal Stress Plan strategies:

● Look around the room where you are and focus in on something other than your child for a
moment.

● If given the chance, take a walk to the bathroom, the next room, to the sink or any other effort
to create some space between you and your angry situation.
● If you have another trusted family member near, ask for them to help change the energy of
the situation.

● Find some way to move your body - rock back and forth, walk, climb steps, stretch your arms
or legs, etc.
● Drink cold water (the colder, the better - it’s magically calming).

Here are some more suggestions for Mindful Personal Stress Plan strategies:

● Mentally acknowledge that you’re the adult in this interaction.

● Remember a calm, loving time with your child, even if it’s when they were asleep.

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