Page 30 - How Changing Your Anger Can Help You Be a Better Parent book

● Picture a safe and peaceful spot or scene.

● Think about the validity of your distorted angry thinking.

● Breath slowly and deeply.

● Recite calming song lyrics or prayer.
● Notice your physical sensations.

● Use ground techniques to help your cognitive processing.
All of these suggested strategies may not be calming or realistic for you in the heat of an angry
moment with your child. Try choosing two or three active and mindful strategies to develop to be
able to recall and quickly employ when you feel yourself begin to get angry with your child.

This fundamental, emergency Healthy Anger Tool, is empowering and can be taught to others as
well, including your child. We all have the power, including your child, to attune to how our brain
and bodies react when angry and create ways to meet their needs in an angry moment.

Create and develop your own customized Personal Stress Plan.

As an example of a simple universal Personal Stress Plan, I developed a tool called the One
Minute Calm Down. You can customize this tool, as it is a combination of three mindful strategies.

You can use this simple healthy anger tool as soon as you feel your body’s sensations changing
when your child is pushing your buttons, or if you’re surprised with a frustrating situation. The
sooner you begin to change your angry thinking, the quicker your brain and body will calm down.

You can do this in sixty seconds or less.

The One Minute Calm Down is BMR - Breathe, Mantra and Refocus.

This is an emergency healthy anger tool that will quickly change your angry thinking, calm you
down and get you into a much more clear-thinking brain state in sixty seconds or less.

Breathe

When you feel that initial emotional charge of becoming angry, you can start with one or two
simple intentional belly breaths. Most times when you get angry, you’re probably “shallow
breathing” mainly from your chest.

With just a couple of slow deliberate breaths down to your diaphragm, you can quickly activate
the calming part of your central nervous system (parasympathetic). This belly breathing then will
allow you to move to the next step.

(You can practice diaphragm breathing by placing your hand on your belly and feel the air moving
down deeper.)

Mantra

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