Page 31 - How Changing Your Anger Can Help You Be a Better Parent book

As you're taking these deep breaths, you can start to recall and mentally recite short phrases that
will begin to change your distorted thinking and trigger thoughts.

Your mantras should be very specific to your child or to the situation that you may be in.

You can think to yourself, something like, I can handle this or she's only eight years old, or he’s
pushing my buttons, but I’m calm or anything else that will change your plunging distorted thoughts
into somewhat neutral. Or perhaps even positive or hopeful thoughts.

It's all about thinking about your thinking as you slowly breathe and recall your mantras - quick,
short phrases that you can recite to yourself.
Refocus

Then you can refocus with some mindfulness tools - using mindfulness to be able to block out
some of the negativity and focus on some positive outcomes.
Now that you're calmer (even if just slightly) and thinking more clearly, you can better focus on
what your child needs. One of your mantras may even be, what does he/she need right now?

Meet the need, change the behavior.

You can also refocus on some positive and healthy communication.

Maybe your child needs to be heard first to calm down. Healthy active listening will meet that
need.

Maybe your child needs help calming down with something sensory. A gentle back rub or singing
or clapping may be what meets that need.

Every situation is different, and every child is different as to what he or she may need by
misbehaving or being disrespectful.

You can use the One Minute Calm Down (BMR) as your go-to emergency healthy anger tool. It
will help you from being emotionally hijacked and losing control - saying or doing something while
angry that you may feel bad about later.

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