Page 101 - Likutei Tipshim

There is much talk about “the wall” in Washington. Many people Top Five Rejected Purim Shpeil Titles
from both sides of the political spectrum are weighing in on the pros 5. The Megillah Files Halachic Corner
4. Mr. Haman's Neighborhood
and cons. Here at Likutei Tipshim, our rabbinic division will be host- 3. Fivesh in the Palace Zmanim for 5779 (2019 CE)
ing a Webinar on Shushan Purim. We will cover issues such as: 2. The Queens of King When to expect your package:

When the wall is built: And the Number 1 Rejected Purim Shpeil Title is: Sent From Amazon: 2 Hours
1. Bigsan and Seresh. Lost in translation
1. Will the whole country have to observe Shushan Purim? Sent with Fed Ex: 2 Days
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2. Will we need individual community eruvs or will the Atlantic What's the difference between Haman and a phone call? Sent with USPS: What Package?
ocean on the east coast, the Pacific on the west coast, plus the walls Nothing! When we are finished with both, we hang them up! ***********************************************************
on the north and south, make the United States a reshus hayachid? THIS YEAR’S LIKUTEI TIPSHIM IS SPONSORED BY:
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3. Will there no longer be a case of bor berushus harabim? The faculty and staff of Humor Training Center announcing their NEW
The Iranian President calls President Trump and tells him, "I had a
4. Does this wall Trump other types of barriers? GREEN DEAL. After much scientific study, we have found the main
dream last night: New York in ruins and flames, with Iranian flags fly- source of CO2 pollution. No it’s not cows. But rather, long winded politi-
5.If you are from South of the border and don't hold from the wall, ing above.” cians. We therefore propose, that those politicians that feel the need to
will it still stop you?
President Trump replies, “Funny, I had a dream last night too: Teheran make speeches should be taxed accordingly. They will be given a set
******************************************************* beautiful and prosperous, happy people celebrating in the streets, with amount of carbon credits at the beginning of their term and will not be
STOP THE TALKING IN SHULS, big banners hanging everywhere.” allowed to exceed them. Remember, just because you have the right to
remain silent doesn’t mean you have the ability to.
Join the stop the talking initiative. If enough people take this serious- “What did the banners say?” asks the Iranian president.
ly, maybe we can avoid hearing things like these during davening: Mrs. Mini Cooper wishes much luck to Irving’s Auto Body Shop on their
“I don’t know,” answers Trump. “I can’t read Hebrew!”
Nothing is built in America these days. I just bought a TV and it said ********************************************************* opening next week. All their work is guaranteed or your dent back.
“built in Antenna.” Wishing Mazel Tov to Asher Yatzar on the launching of his new app.
True things you would think are Purim schtick but are really true: Downtown or in a strange city and in need of a washroom? The Asher
I was working as a personal trainer but I didn’t have the energy, so I
gave them a 2 weak notice. American Psychological Association Guidelines say: Traditional Mas- Yatzer app lists the closest one to you. They are also looking for a few
culinity Can Hurt Boys. good programmers. If you would like to be in on the Sheru Team, contact
I was a man trapped in a woman's body but then I was born. us at programmers@sheruteam.com
The United Kingdom now has a Minister of Loneliness.
“Nisht auf Shabbos garret, it’s already sold.” TAG Chicago is here to help. Having trouble during recess? Offering
The Democrats Green New Deal.
I know someone so frum he wouldn’t launder money during the nine solutions for all applications, whether it’s classic tag, freeze tag, or even
days. The Boy Scouts now accept girls. zombie tag. TAG is here for you. Remember! Call before you play. We
will help guide you.
When cleaning for Pesach don’t forget to There is a member of congress that believes the world will end in 12
delete the cookies from your Browser. “I never made a mis- years if we don’t kill all the cows and rebuild all the buildings. The Onion - America's Finest News Source is hosting Junk Food Torah
take. And if I did, it this Thursday Purim day. Enjoy chips, dips and all sorts of fried food as
Did you know the AOC encourages this was a mistake.” ********************************************************* Rabbi P. U. Rim explains the hidden meanings behind teacher comments
generation to take pride in their ignorance? Deep thoughts:
such as: "He can be quite lively in class!", “He is Spirited” , “He needs to
I'm so out of shape that I lose my breath taking the elevator. Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law? watch his accuracy in homework” Fathers and Mothers are invited to at-

****************************************************** He was given two consecutive sentences. tend. No snowflakes, please.
SOME OF LIFE’S TRUTHS: ********************************************************* Hatzala is proud to announce the expansion of their service to include
I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the If you remember 7 out of these 10 items it’s time to apply for social Lake Michigan. We welcome Aaron C. Reskew who will be heading the
refrigerator. security. project.

My childhood punishments have become my adult goals. Dime Stores, Elevator Operators, Eddie Haskell. Dressing up to Go Mazel tov to William Loney on the opening of his new deli. Offering the

1. Going to bed early Downtown, Earth Shoes. Milkmen. Macramé, 999 on Devon and Francis- finest cured meats this side of the Des Plaines river. When you want good
co, The rabbi's sons, When the only people going to mincha and maariv in deli, head over to Bill Loney.
2. Not leaving my house shul were saying kaddish, the men’s mikvah in the garage behind Nussach Mr. & Mrs. Kaye wishing much hatzlacha to our daughter Dee on the

3. Not going to a party Ari Shul in Albany Park. opening of her new dental practice. For good oral hygiene, make an ap-

pointment with Dr. Dee Kaye.