Page 104 - Likutei Tipshim

New Shul IV gemach: No need to bring cups to shul anymore! Get
hooked up before davening (Available with and without caffeine).
Now your prayers won’t be in vein (just your fluids).
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Are you feeling lonely? Are you depressed because no one ever calls
you? If so, The Chesed Center has the solution! We're pleased to
announce the creation of yet-another new Chesed program to benefit
the Community! Please contact us, and we'll add you to our
"Marketing Opt-IN List." When you add your phone number to Opt-
IN, your number will be added to thousands of Marketing Lists.
Very soon, you too can be inundated with dozens of people calling
you non-stop at all hours of the day, every day -- in English & in Yid-
dish -- who are interested to speak to you and want you to donate to
their worthwhile cause, or surveying your opinion, or marketing to
you, phishing for your personal info, etc. Call us at
(800) I-WANT-IN. (Data rates & other charges may apply.) EN
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A couple was going to marriage counseling and the facilitator was
explaining the importance of knowing your spouses likes and dis-
likes. He turned to the husband and asked him, “What is your wife’s
favorite flower?” He looked knowingly towards his wife and said,
“Pillsbury, right? ND
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The zechusim of davening vasikin is well known. While many people
would like to do it, the timing can be so inconvenient. Vasikin Inter-
national, an organization that encourages “Time flies like an arrow;
people to daven vasikin, is starting a new fruit flies like a banana”
st
vasikin minyan for the 21 century in Chi- Groucho Marx
cago. In the summer, we will daven ac-
cording to the zmanim in Los Angeles and in the winter according to
the zmanim in New York. Now you can have the benefits of doven-
ing vasikin at a much more reasonable and relaxing time.
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Overheard at last year’s seder from a 4 year old boy. “I was going to
drink from kos shel Eliyah at the seder but then I remembered what
happened to my baby brother when he sat in his chair, so I didn’t.
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Archeological news: Recently found in Ir David the first known want
ad in history:
The Kohen Gadol has announced his early retirement. Inside sources
say his main reason for leaving is a severe case of burnout. Applica-
tions are being accepted for his replacement. Nepotism allowed
(encouraged) . The position requires experience and willingness to
make a lot of sacrifices.
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It is suggested to wear a hoodie to the Purim seuda so you can make the
mitzva more mHOODer. JB
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Daf Yomi just started Meseches Shabbos. While this gemara is a little
more complicated then Brachos, we urge you to keep on going. The
expression “Bo Shabbos Bo Menuchah” wasn’t referring to doing the
daf. EN
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There is a minhag to serve quiche at the Purim Seuda to remind us of
Mordechai’s ancestry. As it says … “u'shmo Mordechai ben Ya'ir ben
Shimi ben quiche”… JB
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In this politically correct & 'woke' time that we're all living in, and in
order to be sensitive to everybody's sensibilities, we advocate that
'Shalach Manos' should be renamed 'Shalach Personos" -- since the
mitzvah applies equally to both men and women. EN
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Hakaras Hatov corner: Thanks to all the shuls that have installed extra
security doors. This helps insure we will take the next generation
M’dor L’Dor.
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New to the city? Having trouble making friends? Chaverim is offering
a workshop with practical suggestions to attract friends. Here are some
examples: Next time you are traveling to Israel put in a notice that you
are willing to take a suitcase for someone, or if you have some extra
tzedaka money ask for help in allocating.
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Are all your learning commitments keeping you from exercising? The
Ahavas Yisroel committee recommends returning your seforim to the
bookcase. You will be amazed what it will do for your muscle tone,
weight management and Ahavas Yisroel.
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Planning a siyum or sheva brachos but short
on a minyan? Or are you just too
lazy to go to shul?
Need one, two or even ten people to fill your minyan?
FREE 2-Hour Minyan Delivery
Available in select US cities
Halachic Corner
Zmanim for Purim 5780 (2020 ce)
Time to cash out your retirement account
If Trump wins 2024
If Bernie wins you won’t have one.
But, don't worry! Everything will be free
AD DLO YADA: The preferred way to be mikayam the mitzva of ad dlo
yada is with wine, as that was intrinsic in the miracle. While there are
some who subscribe to the “wine is fine but liquor is quicker” school of
thought, wine is still preferred. For those that can’t tolerate any form of
alcohol, but would like to reach a level of total confusion, we suggest you
read Bernie Sander’s platform with an economist and an accountant.
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THIS YEAR’S LIKUTEI TIPSHIM IS SPONSORED BY:
The Kovaya Itim Institute inaugurating our first International unSiyum.
Every 7 years we will be celebrating the unsung heroes who while not do-
ing daf yomi are nevertheless shtyging away. Time to show our respect
for all those dedicated masmidim. For more information email us at
Igetnorespect@RodneyDangerfield.com
Public Service Announcement brought to you by the Avos and Banim
Committee; Fathers can learn with their children, even on their own, at
random times, during the week and Shabbos.
We are pleased to announce that the Olympic committee has approved for
this year’s summer Olympics, Synchronized Shuckeling. There will be
several categories: side to side, back and forth, as well as the shuckeling
triathlon (shuckeling as you walk around the shul yelling random words
from davening).
Mr. & Mrs. John Flay wishing their daughter Sue much luck on the open-
ing of her restaurant. Join us for a light meal or snack at Sue Flay’s Bistro.
Mrs. Baila Rina Waltzer and her daughter Mrs, Shira Singer announce the
grand opening of their song and dance studio at their new location on the
corner of Grace and Mozart. Stay "tuned" for more detail.
News Flash: Democrats send Shalach Manos to the President. It
contained a peach and a mint. JB
SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING:
Be vigilant! Democrats Warn That the American people may tamper with
the next election. Babylonbee.com
Getting up in years? Are your joints starting to creak? Our workouts will
have you feeling 10 years younger. Check out Gerry Atrick’s Gym at
www. babyboomersarentbabiesanymore.com