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קחשל שרדמה תיב
Are you an out of towner? Got 5, 15, 30 or 45 Minutes? Consider ****************************************************
donating some of your minutes to the Chicago Time Gemach. Thoughts to Ponder: םישפט יטוקיל
Learn how to daven. A new shiur with practical techniques on being 1. How come when you listen to the news, it always starts with "Good םירופ
Humor Training College
a professional davener. We will give you the skills you need to speed Morning" or "Good evening" and then it goes on to say everything that's Likutei Tipshim 2019 A member of the North Shore University Humor System
thru davening, and teach you how to sharpen your kavana without slow- not good?
ing you down. Starting this Mondaynightat7pmdon’tmissout. Volume Loud Number 2 MAKING TIPSHUS GREAT AGAIN
2. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
Announcing a security seminar for all shuls, schools and community Disclaimer: We, at Lekutei Tipshim, wish to once again inform the public that we are in
buildings. The class will be given by Mr Patrick Downe safety expert on 3. How far east can you go before you are heading west? no way affiliated, associated, or otherwise related to any institution or organization
loan from the TSA. Open to all interested parties. Come and learn the 4. If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, is he guilty of resisting a rest? currently publishing similar types of periodicals, weeklies, etc.
latest techniques from Pat Downe. In a unusual act of bipartisanship the contents of this publication have been
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Announcing the CHicago Ahavta Lerayacha Kamocha CHALK initia- Questions for Thought and Study certified FAKE NEWS by all political parties._______________________
tive. How many times have you been in the middle of davening and a Rabbi Hy A. Z. Kite in his groundbreaking sefer, “The more I know, the
meshulach comes by and while you would like to give him something, 1. What was Queen Esther’s gown made of? more I know I don’t know; If I learn one more bit of Torah, I’ll be a
you are tapped out? CHALK is starting a dollar bill gemach, based on the 2. What was the weather like when Haman led Mordechai through the Complete Am Haaretz” , (published 2018 Shocked Press) discusses
“take a penny, leave a penny” seen at many check outs, There will be a streets? different methods for obtaining the state of “ad dlo yoda”.
box placed in all local shuls where you can “take a dollar, leave a dollar.” 3. What difference does it make if I use punctuation properly? The preferred method should be done with wine as wine played a large part
You will never have to turn down a fellow Jew in need again. And just in the miracle of Purim.
CHALK it up to another interrupted davening. 4. Who had the tallest family tree in history?
The next preferred method is beer as it was mentioned in the Megilah
Beryl came to his rav very worried and upset. The rav asked what the 5. Give me another reason not to drink on Purim (Shushan haBeera).
problem was. Beryl answered that his business is in bad shape, he owes a Answers:
lot of money and it’s affecting his health and shalom bayis. The rav lis- The third method is hard liquor. While there is no halachik basis for using
tened and suggested he take a beach chair and Chumash and go to the 1. Poly Esther it over wine, people seem to prefer it as it gets you to ad dlo yoda faster
shore. Put the open Chumash on his lap and let the wind turn its pages. 2. It was rainy and muddy, since it says that Mordechai went out with and zrezim makdimin.
When it stops, look what it says and then he will know what to do. 10 his boots. The fourth avenue he then explores is marijuana. Rabbi Kite quotes his
months later, the rav bumps into Beryl and his family looking relaxed 3. Correct punctuation is the difference between a sentence that’s well- brother, Rabbi Zees Kite, from his sefer “Dave’s not Here”, that the pur-
and happy. “What happened?” he asked. Beryl said he took the Rav’s written and a sentence that’s, well, written. pose of drinking is to reach a level of not knowing the difference between
advice. “So what page did the Chumash open too?” Beryl answered, Mordechai and Haman or to put it another way, when you can no longer
“Chapter 11.” 4. Haman identify who is there to help and protect you and who is there to destroy

Here at Likutei Tipshim, we surfed the entire internet to glean the most 5. Last Purim you got hit by a parked car, tripped over a cordless phone you. If you are seriously even considering marijuana, you are already hold-
pressing headlines. If any of these articles interest you contact us at and fell through a window into my house…!!!!!!!! ing by ad dlo yodah, and don’t need to take anything.
likutei-tipshim@juno.com and we will send you the link: *********************************************************** *********************************************************************

Ilhan Omar Withdraws Support From Bill To Save The Earth After Likutei Tipshim is not now and has never been associated with any fine institu- MESHENICHNAS ADAR MARBIM BSIMCHA
Learning That’s Where Israel Is tions of higher learning in the city of Chicago or its environs. It was the night of Rosh Chodesh Adar in Voloshin and the Rabbi’s
Ideas? Comments? Send email to likutei-tipshim@juno.com
Grizzly Bear Shatters All Pro Wrestling Records After Identifying As children started dancing and singing. All of a sudden, their father came in
Human The contents of this publication have been certified Torah free. May contain to the room and they all immediately stopped and went back to their
some trace elements of gematria. Written in a facility where people eat peanuts.
All Of Google's Self-Driving Cars Are Veering To The Left For Some Money back guarantee: If this issue fails to produce at least one chuckle and/or studies. One of the talmidim of the yeshiva turned to his chevrusa and said,
“Now I understand the meaning in Shulchan Aruch when it says
Reason one smile, return to point of purchase for a fool refund.
THIS PUBLICATION IS STILL NOT A RECIPIENT OF THE JEWISH mishanichnas AV mimatim besimcha.”
Everyone In US Soaked With Sprinklers As Trump Pulls National Emer- FEDERATION OF METROPOLITAN CHICAGO ************************************************************
gency Alarm
Prepared by people with too much time on their hands. If you would like If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not
Woman Joins Exciting New Lose-Money-From-Home Business achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
to sponsor an addition of likutei-tipshim we also have bridge in Brooklyn
Racist Construction Worker Insists New Home Have Walls you might be interested in. 'meetings' .