Page 95 - Likutei Tipshim

קחשל שרדמה תיב
Are you scheduled for a hearing in front of a judge and worried your side We regret to announce the cancellation of the Parshas Zachor Shiur this
will not be heard properly? Call Beltone, we specialize in hearing aids. Shabbos. It seems the magid shiur worked so hard on the topic of םישפט יטוקיל
mechias zecher amalek he forgot everything. Please keep Rabbi Shaun
Monday Shushan Purim join the residents that live around Albany from םירופ
Touhy to Howard as we dedicate the street Honorary Aleppo Lane. Furgessen in your prayers. Likutei Tipshim 2017 Humor Training College
A member of the North Shore University Humor System
Save the date. The first annual dinner for Tipshus International will take **************************************************** Volume Loud Number 1 MAKING TIPSHUS GREAT AGAIN
place on Sunday March 12, as we pay honor to the United Nations. Their Thoughts to Ponder:
Human Rights Council, and the UNESCO’s World Heritage List, just to Are Trans fats, fats that feel like a protein?
name a few, have brought tipshus to a whole new level. Please join us as Disclaimer: We, at Lekutei Tipshim, wish to once again inform the public that we
are in no way affiliated, associated, or otherwise related to any institution or or-
we present them with the coveted Haman award for 2017. If you are una- Just because you have the right to remain silent doesn’t mean you have ganization currently publishing similar types of periodicals, weeklies, etc.
ble to join us, you can download a copy of our “me shekeylayl” at the ability.
becholdorvador/meshekeylayl.org Does running behind count as exercise? Disclaimer #2: Any similarity of persons or situations currently playing out in
Washington DC to the Purim Story is merely coincidental... or not.
How many times have you been to a kiddush and can’t get close to the If you have always believed that everyone should play by the same rules
food because of the crowds? Introducing the Shabbos grama drone. This and be judged by the same standards, that would have gotten you labeled *******************************************************
highly sophisticated drone can fly over the crowds and with it’s grap- a radical 60 years ago, a liberal 30 years ago and a racist today. Dr. An unusual anomaly takes place this Purim. Motzei Shabbos we change
pling hook snatch anything from matjes herring to the most delicate pas- Thomas Sowell. the clocks. While on the surface, it would seem a random event that just
try and with the scoop attachment even cholent is now within your reach. *********************************************************** happens to coincide with Purim. In truth, it is a sign of how H’ is watching
For more information check out our website www.bashamayimhe.com over us. Many people want to be mikayem the unique mitzvah of ad dlo
Questions for Thought and Study yoda but for many reasons can’t. This year with the time change and loss
All the shuls on Touhy Ave. have come together to declare Touhy from of an hour of sleep, when the shul announces davening at 8, is that 8 am
Rockwell to Albany a Sanctuary City. As such we will not prosecute an- 1. What did the Dr. say when a man walked into his office and said, “ new time or old time? Is it really starting at 7 or 9? We will be so confused
yone using our sanctuaries without membership. Doc, you have to help me. I’m shrinking.” trying to figure out what time davening is, telling Mordecai and Haman
2. Why was I born a pessimist?
Before the MLB ( Main Learning Beismedrash) trading deadline: A Shul apart will be the least of our problems, and hence be mikayem ad dlo yoda
on Touhy is looking to trade a hashkama minyan for 40 new members 3. Why did the lights go out? without the need of any wine.
and a chazan to be named at a later date. All interested parties can email 4. Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative num- ************************************************************************
proposals to: space?@boilerroom.com. TALES FROM THE FRONT LINES OF KIRUV: Wanting to introduce a
bers?
Likutei Tipshim is offended at being called “fake news.” The tzibur Answers: coworker to the beauty of Shabbos, Berel (not his real name) invited him to
should know we are just as factual and unbiased as the New York Times his house to experience a real Shabbos. Friday night they came home from
and CNN. And we take pride in the fact that the White House hasn’t in- 1. You’ll have to wait and be a little patient. shul and made kiddush on a fine wine. In the middle of the meal, they
vited us to any of it’s “off briefings” or “ Gaggles .“ 2. Your blood type is B negative. made a “l’chaim” and of course bentched on a kos. After dinner they went
to a shalom zachor, had some beer as well as other “spirits”. The next
The Institute of Open Minded Liberal Thinking Unbiased Citizens is ask- 3. They liked each other morning, after davening, they went home, made kiddush on some fine wine
ing all like minded free thinkers to come out in support of our first and after the fish made a l’chaim with some excellent scotch and had a red
amendment right of free speech and shout down anyone who doesn’t 4. He'll stop at nothing to avoid them. wine with dessert. After making havdala on wine, the host asked his guest,
agree with us. *********************************************************** “Well, what was your impression of your first Shabbos?” His guest replied,

Mazel tov to Mr. Telsik on the opening up of his B&B. When you need a Having trouble reading this? Keep in mind bifocals are H’ way of say- “I still don’t understand why you can’t use electricity on Shabbos but at
place for visiting relatives remember Moe Telsiks. For more info go to ing, “Keep your chin up.” least now I know why you are not allowed to drive.”
wellkeepthelightonforyou.com. Likutei Tipshim is not now and has never been associated with any fine institutions of ************************************************************
higher learning in the city of Chicago or its environs.
Much hatzlacha to the latest addition to the variety of kosher restaurants
Ideas? Comments? Send email to likutei-tipshim@juno.com The Cook County Board is extremely concerned with the health of all of its
in Chicago. “Kosher Karma” is unique as there is no menu: You get citizens. It is for this reason they have decided to expand the sugar tax to
what you deserve. The contents of this publication have been certified Torah free. May contain some trace
elements of gematria. Written in a facility where people eat peanuts. include all food and beverages and instead make it a calorie tax. Starting
Inviting the community to a seminar on wealth management. Our topics Money back guarantee: If this issue fails to produce at least one chuckle and/or one March 13, all food will be taxed at 1 cent per calorie thus encouraging our
will include Keeping a perspective on affluence and Always remember smile, return to point of purchase for a fool refund. citizens to eat healthier by cutting back on their caloric intake without the
money is the root of all wealth. But remember that your real wealth is THIS PUBLICATION IS STILL NOT A RECIPIENT OF THE JEWISH Board having to cut back on their spending or salaries.
what you have that money can’t buy. FEDERATION OF METROPOLITAN CHICAGO