Page 18 - ALIVE CODE

DARE TO BE A.L.I.V.E. - DON’T BE A D.A.S.H.

Control “it,” the situation? Maybe yes, often no. Control you, your reaction to
it? De nitely yes, if you use ALIVE CODE .

Many people are not willing to own their problems because they would put
themselves down if they admitted their personal shortcomings. If you say to
yourself “I must be perfect!” you will often act imperfectly and down yourself
for your “horrible” imperfections. Rather than risk this, you will likely be afraid
to own your problems and will create a state of denial.

Denial is refusing to admit your part in creating and maintaining the
problem situation or refusing to admit that you acted badly about the
situation. Overcoming denial and taking responsibility for the problem is an
important rst step in problem solving through ALIVE CODE .

To do this, think of yourself as a person who succeeds and fails but not as a
“success” or a “failure”. Admit your errors certainly to yourself, and also to
someone you trust. Accept yourself with your fallibility. You don’t have to like
your self-defeating behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. You can even strongly
dislike them. But never condemn, rate, or down you, yourself, your totality,
because this will probably not help you to feel or do better. You are a person
who sometimes acts wrongly or badly, but you are not yes, not, a bad person.

EXERCISE 2: PRACTICE EVALUATING YOUR STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES
WITHOUT SEPARATING.

A. List some of the things that you do well.

B. Keeping in mind that you are human, and therefore error-prone, identify
some of the things that you do poorly—without putting yourself down. Rate

or measure your deeds, by seeing whether or not they help you ful ll your
goals and values. Only rate what you do and not you, yourself, the doer.

List some of the things that you do poorly, but that do not make you an
inadequate person.

ALIVE CODE
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