Page 13 - Family Life Student Textbook

His listeners were questioning whether they wanted to make the strong
commitment of marriage if this is the way God saw the marriage covenant.

Jesus disagreed with both popular views of his day. He clearly disagreed with
the view that divorce was possible for any reason. He also disagreed with the
view that a man must divorce his wife in the case of sexual immorality. God is in
the business of redeeming us from the conditions of sin. God also wants to
redeem marriages from the possible destruction caused by divorce, even in the
case of sexual immorality. God’s word strongly commands us to forgive, even
for sexual immorality. The New Testament teaches us that we should forgive as
God has forgiven us.

Jesus underscored the sanctity and permanence of marriage. We must value the sanctity and permanence
of marriage according to God’s instruction. We should approach marriage with great respect for the
seriousness of the decision and the life lasting consequences. We should resist all attempts of our culture to
defend divorce for any other reason than physical adultery. We must teach God’s ideals regarding marriage,
even though it might be painful for some. We must do everything possible to ensure that our marriage is a
positive reflection of what God intended. We are never to use divorce as a possible escape for our self-pity
or bitterness. We should never threaten divorce to our mate.

The Negative Effects of Divorce on Children

Sometimes a husband and wife will try to justify their divorce by thinking their children will be happier not
having to live in a home where there is so much tension. Children gain their security from a father and
mother who love each other. The love between their father and mother is more important to children than
the love on the part of the parents for them. Counselor and therapist Steven Earll writes, “children have the
strong belief that there is only one right family relationship, and that is Mom and Dad being together. Any
other relationship configuration presents a conflict or betrayal of their basic understanding of life.”

Divorce has a very negative effect upon children. Children whose parents divorce suffer from increased
anxiety, guilt and anger. Studies show that children of divorced parents are at a higher risk of suffering
academically, engaging in risky behavior such as crime, drug and alcohol use and pre-marital sex, suffer from
economic poverty, experience slower recovery from physical sickness and struggle with symptoms of
psychological distress. The emotional scars of divorce last into adulthood where they struggle with insecurity
and more difficulty in forming a good romantic relationship.

Parents should take a very long pause before choosing divorce. It is not an easy solution for you or for your
children. Elizabeth Marquardt explains that the challenge of marriage is making sense of two ways of life.
But in divorce the parents, who can no longer manage the challenge, separate their identities and then ask
the child to try to live with the different identities of two single parents.

Is there ever a time when we should recommend divorce?

Personally, I would not recommend divorce. I would always encourage a husband-and-wife to allow God to
redeem their troubled marriage as they work hard to obey his marriage principles and their relationship. I
would encourage them to seek Christian counsel for their marriage and ask brothers and sisters in Christ to
pray for them.

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