Page 24 - Nutshell 4

ACT I

SCENE 1: The bar at the Explorers Club

BARGELLO: (enters) Hey, bartender! Where are you? I am the Great
Bargello! I’m thirsty! I want a drink! (leans on bar)

BARTENDER: (pops up from behind bar) Yes, sir! Right away, sir! What
will you have?

BARGELLO: Give me a tall cool glass of rambutan juice.

BARTENDER: But—but— it only grows in Southeast Asia. There’s
no rambutan anywhere in New York City.

BARGELLO: Don’t give me any excuses! I’ve waded through
crocodile-infested swamps to get a glass of rambutan juice! Climbed
high mountains and crawled across burning deserts to find a glass of
rambutan juice! Now get me a glass of rambutan juice!

BARTENDER: Yes, sir! (exits)

BARGELLO: Bah! I don’t know what this club is coming to!

ERICSON: (enters, slowly) Well, well, well, if it isn’t young Bargello!
How are you, my boy?

BARGELLO: I’m very disgusted, Ericson, that’s what I am. I just
got back from an expedition to New Guinea. I spent weeks hacking
my way through miles of jungle, and what did I find? A hamburger
stand!

ERICSON: Oh, really? Did they have French fries, too? Bartender!

BARGELLO: Blast it all, old man! Don’t you understand? Three
months ago I went up to the North Pole on a dogsled. I nearly froze
all my fingers and toes. And when I got there, what did I find?

ERICSON: An ice cream shop.

BARGELLO: That’s right! How did you know?

ERICSON: I saw it there myself, twenty years ago. Oh, bartender!
Where is he?