Page 81 - The Big C

I chose to stay busy and not allow myself to be ruled by the
dictates of my emotions – especially negative ones. I tried to
make my day as productive and fulfilling as possible. But
when the night falls, I lay in bed without Wilma by my side.
The room felt cold, in need of the warmth of her presence.
The house seemed dull. It felt like a void could only be filled
by her effervescent personality and the sweet aroma of her
cooking and baking. Lord, when will this parting end? When
will my wife be finally home? Or will she?
I’ve often wondered how I’d be able to walk through this
valley of grief with my head remaining straight and my feet
continually grounded had God not reached down to comfort
and encourage me. I have never gotten so easily emotional
just as I had been in the past few days. I shed a lot of tears,
indeed. Yet, ironically, they were mostly tears of comfort
rather than tears of sorrow, tears of faith and confidence
rather than despair, a kind of trust that is based on knowing
God and His character. He is good, and He is in control.

I was sad but not depressed, worried but not anxious,
disappointed but not discouraged, and confused but not
disillusioned. Incredible as it may sound, I had peace in the
middle of a tumultuous storm.
I will meet with the doctors this afternoon, but I have no idea
if I will be hearing good news. I have confidence in the
doctors’ knowledge and competencies and their desire to
serve Wilma. But my full confidence is in my God, who is
All-powerful and All-knowing. He loves Wilma much more
than I love her. He is good, righteous, and true. Nothing evil
nor malice proceed from Him. He is sovereign. He acts
according to His divine will and pleasure.

Frankly, my dilemma is this: I am totally clueless about
God’s will for Wilma. I don’t know if God’s will be to send
her home to us, or to make the hospital or any form of
hospice her home, or to take her with Him to His celestial

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