Page 335 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Epilogue

might have been, my father was unable to face his own truth.
That was simply not an option.
A family suicide leaves an indelible mark. From that first
song I wrote only weeks after his passing, to the place where
I have now stood for many years, I have learned there wasn’t
anyone who could have saved him. In time, I was able to
forgive him for leaving us. But I still grapple with the pain of
knowing how he must have agonized over his life. And how
he chose to brutally end it still breaks my heart to this day.
But that very first song, inspired by my 11-year-old grieving
heart, began a lifelong journey of pouring my deepest soul
into music. MY pain, in that moment, was paramount. But as
time went on, my music became my own personal lifeline for
survival. An expression revealing my deepest hurts, longings,
fears and passions. I have my father to thank. He remains my
angel, forever guiding this most generous gift from God.

My Mother: After all these years, I still feel cheated for losing
my mother so early in my life. That void never gets filled; you
just learn to live with it. When I consider the milestones –
my graduation, my weddings, the musical achievements and
the birth of Keldon, I ache at the thought of her imagined
presence.
I have often envisioned the wisdom, advice and support
I might have received throughout my first marriage had my
mother been around. Maybe, if one or both of my parents
had still been alive, I would have endured less hardship in
that relationship. Stood up more for myself. Left sooner. Or
perhaps never married at all. Having that strong, parental
guidance in my life could have altered many things.
My mother’s absence, especially during those devastating
years with Gord, left a deep longing in me. I pined for her touch.

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