Page 338 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Reason To Sing

her to kick all the freeloaders out of her apartment. When she
visited me in Toronto, she was lost to the nightlife on Yonge
Street. Out all night with no fear of public transit or the Big
City, that was my sister.
I believe that Vian was constantly on a mission to fill the
void left by the immense trauma of our early lives. By 22 she
was married, with a baby boy. That still wasn’t enough to satisfy
her deep longings. She found solace in extra-marital sex, booze,
drugs, shopping, eating and her newfound profession – nursing.
A natural caregiver, highly respected by her patients and their
families, she was the nurse who always went beyond the call
of duty. That’s just how big her heart was. She filled her own
needs by caring for others.
When Vian fulfilled her dream of moving to the country,
she gave birth to another boy and then a girl, both from
different fathers. She secretly wed the latter after his release
from prison. This “husband” took my sister to new personal
lows over seventeen tumultuous years.
I was there for her as much as possible. I made annual visits
with Keldon and while apart, we kept in close contact. The
abuse she was suffering pained me deeply and even though
I realized she needed to find self-love, I had no idea how to
help her do it. And so the toxic and vicious cycle continued.
Countless times she would leave and countless times she would
go back. It was infuriating! And heartbreaking.
For several years I withdrew from visiting. Call it tough
love or self-preservation, I don’t know. But to this day I still
regret that I just couldn’t do it any longer. Her path to self-
destruction was killing me too.
During one of the many separations from her husband,
my sister self-diagnosed and then confirmed with a visiting
psychiatrist that she was bi-polar. She was immediately put

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