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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 1 - Lesson 3 ו רמאמ - פֶּא ֶר ר ִר ִׁ

We can learn this concept from the words of Chazal (Gemara ם ֶע ֶאֹר ָה ת ִא י ֶל ל ֵבּ ְל ַב ְתּ ל ַא" :ּא "תּיּ ֻט ְֶ ר ֵבּ ַד ְמ ה ָתּ ַא"
Shabbat 23b) “The wife of Rav Yosef was late in lighting Shabbat
candles (Rashi – Lighting Shabbat candles close to sunset).” What ךְי ֶר ָצ ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ם ֶע םי ֶרוּבּ ֶדּ ַבּ ם ָלוּא .ה ִמּדּ ַכ ְו ,"ךָ ְלּ ִֶ תּר ָב ְסּ ַה
do you think he should have told her?! “You should light candles .ּפוּגּ ֶמ ר ֵתּי רי ֶמ ְח ַה ְל
earlier to avoid the possibility of desecrating Shabbat,” particularly
in those times when there were no clocks and it was possible to make ת ַמ ָר ל ַע תֶי ַבּ ַה דּסְּי תי ֶֶא ֵר ֵמ די ֶׁ ְר ַה ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ :ףי ֶסּה ְל שֵׁיְו
a mistake on an Erev Shabbat day that was cloudy – That would be
a logical argument. However he did not say that to her, and instead ,ךְ ִר ִדּ ַה תי ֶֶא ֵר ְבּ םי ֶר ָב ְדּ ַה םי ֶדי ֶמ ֲע ַמּ ִֶ י ֶפ ְכּ .ה ָתּא ְנ רוּבּ ֶדּ
Rav Yosef said to his wife “It has been taught in the yeshiva – The ,תֶי ַבּ ַה תַיּ ֶנ ְב ֶבּ לּד ָגּ ל ָל ְכּ וּה ִז .ךְ ִר ִדּ ַה ךְ ִרֹא ל ָכ ְל ךְ ֵֶ ְמ ִה ַה ךְ ָכּ
pasuk states (Shemot 13:22) ‘The Column of Cloud did not depart
during the day and the Column of Fire at night,’ teaching us that בּח ְר ל ִֶ "ג ְנ ִל ְס" וּני ֵתּ ָב ְל סי ֶנ ְכ ַנ ל ַא ,רוּבּ ֶדּ ַה פ ִפֹא ְבּ אוּה פ ֵכ ְו
the Column of Cloud complimented the Column of Fire, and the תוּרי ֶה ְז דוּחֶי ְבּ ךְי ֶר ָצ ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה י ֵׁ ַל ְכּ ,רוּמ ָא ָכ ְו .םי ֶלּז םי ֶרוּבּ ֶד ְו
Column of Fire complimented the Column of Cloud” (Rashi – “The
text uses excess words to teach a novel lesson…that the Column of וּרי ֶה ְז ֶה ]א"ע ט"נ א ָעי ֶצ ְמ א ָב ָבּ[ םי ֶר ָב ְדּ ת ַא ָנּא תַי ְג ֻס ְבּ פ ֵכ ְו .ר ִתִי
Fire arrived before the Column of Cloud departed, instructing us ם ָד ָא א ֵהְי ם ָלּע ְל ,ב ַר ר ַמ ָא" :ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ת ַא ָנּא ל ַע דוּחֶי ְבּ ל" ַז ַר
that this is the natural order of things”). Rav Yosef stressed an
emotional argument to his wife rather than a logical argument, that ךְּתּ ֶמּ ִֶ ,)הּ ָר ֲע ַצ ְל םי ֶר ָב ְדּ ת ַא ָנּא :י" ֶֶ ַר( ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ת ַא ָנּא ְבּ רי ֶה ָז
since Hashem Yitbarach behaves in this way with the Jewish people ."ה ָבּר ְר הּ ָת ָא ָנּא הָיוּצ ְמ הּ ָת ָע ְמ ֶדּ ִֶ
- He ushered-in the Column of Fire before nightfall - that being
so, the proper thing to do is for us to demonstrate our gratitude to
Hashem by behaving in that same way and usher-in Shabbat before 
sunset. This is a teaching example of the approach to take in an
argument and dialog with one’s wife.
.ו רמאמ
A young husband must accept upon himself his wife’s orderly
home, whether it applies to her arrangement of the home and its "סוּיּ ִפּ ת ֶל ֶבּ ַק ְמ ה ָשּׁ ִא ָה ןי ֵא"
cleanliness or to the family’s meals, not just intellectually - how
important these things are to his wife - but even more than this he
must appreciate it. The wife – who is the “home” as Rav Yossi
[Yosef] said – all of the work she invests in their home she does so וּנוּד ְמּ ֶל ,ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ל ִצ ֵא ֶ ִג ִר ָה ת ַטי ֶל ְשּׁ ֶמ ַע ֵבּנּ ִֶ ף ָסּנ ד ַצ לַע
for her husband and children, even things that are not so important to
him are very important to her and because they are important to her ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה פי ֵא ְו ,סוּיּ ֶׁ ל ֵבּ ַר ְמ ֶי ֶא ָה ה ָמ י ֵנ ְׁ ֶמוּ" :]ב"ע א"ל ה ָדּ ֶנ[ ל" ַז ֲח
he must also appreciate them because she is doing these things for ."תא ֵר ְב ֶנּ ִֶ םּר ָמּ ֶמ ּז ְו,א ָר ְב ֶנּ ִֶ םּר ָמּ ֶמ ה ִז - סוּיּ ֶׁ ת ִל ִבּ ַר ְמ
him in order for him to find a home that is organized and neat. He
must let her know how much he appreciates all the things she does א ָר ְב ֶנּ ִֶ םּר ָמּ ֶמ ה ִז .תּצ ְר ֶל ַחּנ - סוּיּ ֶׁ ל ֵבּ ַר ְמ" :י" ֶֶ ַר ֶ ֵר ֵפוּ
for him. This is not always so easy for someone who not long ago ."פי ֶֶ ָר תּמ ָצ ֲע ַו רֹ ָש ָבּ ל ָב ֲא ,ל ֵט ָבּ ֶל ַחּנ ַחּחי ֶתּ ר ָפ ָע ה ָמ ָד ֲא -

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