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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 1 - Lesson 6 ג רמאמ - פֶּא ֶר ר ִר ִׁ 2
accept appeasement is because of where each one came from when ר ֵתּ ַו ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ ה ִז ה ִר ְר ֶמ ְבּ ִֶ ,ּל ר ֵמּא ל ִכ ֵשּׂ ַה ִֶ פ ֵכ ָתֶּי ְו .תי ֶל ְכֹ ֶש
they were created.” Rashi explains – He can be placated because
by nature he is softer, as he was created from softened earth that is הָי ְג ֻס ְבּ פֵיּ ַע ְמ ל ַע ַבּ ַה :םּי םּי יֵיּ ַח ֵמ ה ָמ ְג ֻדּ אי ֶב ָנ .ר ִד ֵסּ ַה ל ַע
easily restored, but flesh and bones are hard, as woman was created ,פּר ָא ָה ֵמ םי ֶר ָפ ְס אי ֶצּמוּ ,ה ָרּתּ י ֵר ְב ֶדּ הּ ָבּ ֶ ֵדּ ַח ְל ה ִצּר אוּה ִֶ
from man’s bone.
ה ִנּׁ אוּה .םי ֶר ָפ ְס ל ִֶ ה ָמ ֵר ֲע פ ָח ְל ֻשּׁ ַה ל ַע ת ִפ ִסּ ַא ְת ֶמּ ִֶ ד ַע
It can happen that tension or even arguments occur between husband
and wife, and subsequently they compromise and come to a mutual םי ֶר ָפ ְסּ ַה ת ִא רי ֶז ֲחַיּ ִֶ וּנּ ִמּ ֶמ ת ִֶ ִקּ ַב ְמ ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ְו ,ל ֵלּכּ ַה ל ִא ת ִכ ִל ָל
understanding (occasionally a misunderstanding can occur which לוּטּ ֶבּ ה ִזּ ִֶ הּ ָל רי ֶבּ ְס ַה ְל ה ִסּ ַנ ְמ ל ַע ַבּ ַה .ּתּ ְכ ִל י ֵנ ְפ ֶל פּר ָא ָה ל ִא
leads to tension and argument, still, one must exert every effort to
make peace as quickly as possible). If sometime later on or after ת ִא אי ֶצּה ְל ךְ ֵר ָט ְצֶי בוֶּ ה ָתְי ַבּ ַה רֹז ֲחַי ר ִֶ ֲא ַכּ י ֶכּ ,ה ָרּתּ
a few weeks or months a new tension developed – It is the nature רי ֶא ְֶ ַה ְל אלֹ וּנּ ִמּ ֶמ ת ִֶ ִקּ ַב ְמ ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ם ָלוּא .פּר ָא ָה ֵמ םי ֶר ָפ ְסּ ַה
of a woman to renew the details of the earlier argument which was ד ַצּ ֶמ ה ָנ ָב ֲה י ֶא ה ִז ָבּ ה ִאּר ל ַע ַבּ ַה .ר ָדּ ֻס ְמ י ֶתּ ְל ֶבּ ר ִד ִח ַה ת ִא
resolved and forgotten out of her husband’s mind. Chazal have
taught us that the husband should not react angrily to his wife and ךְ ַדי ֶא ֵמוּ .תי ֶנ ָד ְרּט ּל תי ֵא ְר ֶנ הּ ָת ֶָ ָקּ ַבוּ ,פ ַמ ְז לוּטּ ֶב ְל ּתּ ְֶ ֶא
say to her – “That argument was ended a long time ago, why are אי ֶה .הּ ָמּ ֶע תוּב ְשּׁ ַח ְת ֶה י ֶא ל ַע ַבּ ַה בוּר ֵס ְבּ ה ָאּר ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ,א ָסי ֶגּ
you bringing it up now all over again?!” Rather, he should know
that is the nature of women. Her attack can be understood because .ה ִז ָבּ ל ֵז ְל ַז ְמ אוּה ְו ,תֶי ַבּ ַה י ֶפֹי ְו פּי ָקּ ֶנ ְו ר ִד ֵס ְל ת ִג ִאּדּ
her nature is to be guided by her emotions, whereas his intellect
is prepared to compromise and accept plausible explanations, and י ֶא ל ַע ד ָסֻּי ְמ ַה ,גוּזּ ַה י ֵנ ְבּ פי ֵבּ ח ַת ִמ ל ִֶ ה ָמ ְג ֻדּ וּנ ָל ֵֶי הֹפּ
he understands that it is not worth harboring a grudge in one’s
heart. Therefore, he knows how to make concessions and will let פּי ָקּ ֶנ ְו ר ִד ֵסּ ִֶ ת ַע ַד ָל ל ַע ַבּ ַה ל ַע .ד ָח ִא ל ָכּ ל ִֶ י ֶנֹשּׁ ַה ל ִֶ ה ָנ ָב ֲה
the matter slide by and be forgotten. However, women’s emotions ל ַע הּ ָתּא ַע ֵנ ְכ ֶַ ְל ה ִסּ ַנְי אלֹ פ ֵכ ָל .י ֶֶ ְפ ַנ ךְ ִרֹצ ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ל ִצ ֵא ם ֵה
are not as easily placated, and his appeasements are not completely
accepted because in the end there is still a remnant of emotion from ב ֵשּׁ ַח ְתֶי ְו הּ ָחוּר ְל פי ֶבָי א ָלּ ִא ,ר ֵדּצ אוּה ִֶ תּיּ ֶל ְכ ֶשׂ תּח ָכּה י ֵדְי
that initial argument internalized within her which may be aroused ת ִא ף ֵתּ ְֶַי ַעוּנ ְכ ֶֶ פּי ָסּ ֶנ ְו ַחוּכּ ֶו ל ָכ ְבּ פ ֵכ ּמ ְכּ . ָהי ִתֶּ ָגּ ְר ַה ְבּ
again even after some time has elapsed. If the husband is aware
of this – he is prepared to deal with it in advance and will not be .ּרוּׁ ֶס י ֵדי ֶל אּבָי ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ל ִֶ ֶ ִג ִר ָה ם ַגּ ִֶ י ֵד ְכּ ,ֶ ִג ִר ָה ת ַדּ ֻר ְנ
surprised by her response nor will he be upset by it, rather, he will
continue to patiently validate her until her emotions are satisfied
and she will put the matter behind her and forget the incident.
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