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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה # 2808
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 1 - Lesson 6 ג רמאמ - פֶּא ֶר ר ִר ִׁ
not speak to your wife as you are accustomed to speaking to your ב ַר ְדּ וּה ְתי ֵב ְדּ" :]ב"ע ג"כ ת ָבּ ֶַ[ ל" ַז ַר י ֵר ְב ֶדּ ֶמ תאֹז דֹמ ְל ֶל לַכוּנ
learning-partner. For example, you might tell him during an intense
debate in Torah learning – “You are speaking nonsense,” or “Don’t ךְוּמ ָס ת ָבּ ֶַ ל ִֶ ר ֵנ" :י" ֶֶ ַר( "הּ ָל ת ִר ִל ְד ַמוּ ת ִר ִח ַא ְמ ת ָו ֲה ף ֵסּי
confuse me with your theories,” and similar remarks. However, in י ֵד ְכּ ,רי ֶל ְד ַה ְל י ֶמי ֶדּ ְר ַה" ?הּ ָל ר ַמּל ךְי ֶר ָצ הָי ָה ה ִמ .)"ה ָכ ֵֶ ֲח ַל
conversation with your wife you must be very careful in the choice
of the language you use, much more careful than the language you אלֹּ ִֶ ְכּ ,ם ֵה ָה םי ֶמָיּ ַבּ ד ָחֻי ְמ ֶבּ ."ת ָבּ ֶַ לוּלּ ֶח ר ֵפ ְס ֶל י ֶאּב ָתּ אלֹּ ִֶ
might use outside the house. !י ֶל ְכֹ ֶש פוּע ֶט ה ִז - פ ָנּ ֻע ְמ םּי ְבּ תּע ְט ֶל ר ֶָ ְפ ִא הָי ָה ,םי ֶנּע ְֶ וּי ָה
Additionally, from the very outset of establishing one’s home דוּמּ ַע ְו ם ָמּי פ ָנ ָע ִה דוּמּ ַע ֶי ֶמָי אלֹ ,אָי ְנ ַתּ :ף ֵסּי ב ַר הּ ָל ר ַמ ָא"
one must be extremely careful that his speech must always be ,ֶ ֵא ָה דוּמּ ַע ְל םי ֶל ְֶ ַמ פ ָנ ָע ִה דוּמּ ַע ִֶ ד ֵמּ ַל ְמ - ה ָלְי ַל ֶ ֵא ָה
appropriate. The manner in which a person expresses himself at
the beginning of his married life is the way the conversation will א ָרי ֵתְי א ָר ְר" :י" ֶֶ ַר( "פ ָנ ָע ִה דוּמּ ַע ְל םי ֶל ְֶ ַמ ֶ ֵא ָה דוּמּ ַע ְו
continue throughout his married life. This is a very fundamental דוּמּ ַע ע ַר ְֶֶיּ ִֶ ם ִדֹר א ָבּ ֶ ֵא ָה דוּמּ ַע הָי ָה ִֶ ...ה ֶָ ָר ְדּ ךְ ַה ְל אוּה
rule in all aspects of establishing one’s home, and this is also
true regarding the way one speaks; Do not bring into your home ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ְל ֶי ֶגּ ְד ֶה ף ֵסּי ב ַר .)"י ֵכ ָה ְבּ א ָע ְר ַא ח ַרֹא א ָמ ְל ַא .פ ָנ ָע ִה
the slang of the street and its vulgarities. And as we’ve said, in ,ל ֵא ָרֹ ְשֶי ם ַע ם ֶע ךְ ָכּ ג ֵה ַנ ְת ֶה ךְ ַר ָבּ ְתֶי 'ה ִֶ פ ָוי ֵכּ :תי ֶֶ ְג ֶר ה ָנ ֲע ַט
particular, relative to one’s wife one must be especially careful
that he must pay close attention to his choice of words. Carrying פ ֵכּ ם ֶא ,ה ָלְי ַלּ ַה ת ִד ִר ם ִדֹר ֶ ֵא ָה דוּמּ ַע ת ִא רי ֶא ָה ְל םי ֶדּ ְר ֶה ִֶ
this idea further, within the framework of negative language that י ֶהּז !ךְ ָכּ ג ַה ְנ ֶנ וּנ ְח ַנ ֲא ם ַגּ בּטּ ַה ת ַר ָכּ ַה ךְּתּ ֶמּ ִֶ אוּה ץ ִר ִא ךְ ִר ִדּ
is oppressive, Chazal have specifically warned a husband about
oppressing his wife (Gemara Babba Metziah 59a) “Rav said – A .ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ם ֶע פוּע ֶט ְו ַחוּכּ ֶו ְבּ ה ֶָי ֶגּ ל ִֶ ת ִפ ִלּ ַא ְמ ה ָמ ְג ֻדּ
husband must always be very careful not to say things that would
upset his wife (Rashi – Using words that would cause her grief or ה ַמ פ ֵה ,תֶי ַבּ ַה י ֵר ְד ֶס ת ִא וי ָל ָע ל ֵבּ ַר ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ רי ֶע ָצּ ַה לַעַבַּה
pain and cause her to become sad) since her tears are always close
to the surface oppressive words will easily offend her. ,'וּכ ְו ה ָחוּר ֲא ָה י ֵנּ ַמ ְז ֶל ַע ֵגּנּ ִשּׁ ה ַמ פ ֵה ְו ,פּי ָקּ ֶנ ְו ר ִד ֵס ְל ַע ֵגּנּ ִשּׁ
,ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ל ִצ ֵא םי ֶבוֶּ ֲח םי ֶר ָב ְדּ ַה ה ָמּ ַכּ ד ַע - ה ָנ ָב ֲה ַבּ ר ַר אלֹ
ר ַמ ֲא ַמ ְכּ "ּתי ֵבּ" אי ֶה ִֶ ,ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה .ה ָכ ָר ֲע ַה ְבּ ם ַגּ פ ֵכּ ל ַע ר ֵתָי א ָלּ ִא
י ֵנ ְבוּ תֶי ַבּ ַה ל ַע ַבּ לי ֶב ְֶ ֶבּ - תֶי ַבּ ַבּ ת ַח ַרּטּ ִשּׁ ה ַמ ל ָכּ ,י ֵסּי 'ר
Chapter 1 - Lesson 6
ל ָכּ םי ֶבוֶּ ֲח ם ָני ֵא י ַלוּא וי ָני ֵע ְבּ ִֶ םי ֶר ָב ְדּ ,ת ַח ַרּט אי ֶה תֶי ַבּ ַה
A wife does not accept appeasement. ,ם ָתּא בי ֶֶ ֲח ַה ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ אוּה ם ַגּ ,ם ֵה םי ֶבוֶּ ֲח ָהי ִני ֵע ְבּ ל ָב ֲא ,ךְ ָכּ
א ָצ ְמֶי תֶי ַבּ ַה ל ַע ַבּ ִֶ י ֵד ְכּ ,ּנ ֲע ַמ ְל ם ָתּא הֹ ָשּע אי ֶה י ֵר ֲה י ֶכּ
On a related topic that arises from a woman being controlled by ד ַע ֶי ֶגּ ְר ַה ְל הּ ָל ת ֵת ָל ךְי ֶר ָצ ם ַגּ .ר ָדּ ֻס ְמוּ פ ָגּ ְר ֻא ְמ ,ה ִפָי תֶי ַבּ
her emotions, Chazal have taught us (in Gemara Niddah 31b) “The
reason why a man will accept appeasement but a woman won’t הָי ָה ִֶ י ֶמ לי ֶב ְֶ ֶבּ אוּה ל ַר די ֶמ ָתּ אלֹ .תאֹז ךְי ֶר ֲע ַמ אוּה ה ָמּ ַכּ
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