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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 1 - Lesson 1 2 א רמאמ - י ֶנ ֵֶ ר ִר ִׁ

Here we come to an important and fundamental understanding .םי ֶנּ ַט ְר םי ֶר ָב ְד ֶבּ ה ִז ָבּ א ֵצּיּ ַכ ְו ,הֹ ָש ָע ה ִמ ּבוֶּ ְבוּ ,ךְ ֵלּה פ ָא ְל
in the relationship and obligations of a husband to his wife. The
interpersonal obligation of Chessed between a man and his friend וּר ְמ ָא ִֶ ּמ ְכּ ,םי ֶמ ֲח ַר ֶ ֵקּ ַב ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ ְו .ב ֵל ַח ֵמֹּ ַש ְל רוּזּ ֶח י ֵר ְב ֶד ְבוּ
is a mitzvah and a great virtue. Yet if a man chooses to lessen ."'וּכ ְו ר ֵשַּׁיְי אוּה ְו 'וּכ ְו ךָי ִכ ָר ְדּ ל ָכ ְבּ'
the Chessed he does for his friend – although he is lacking in the
level that he could attain – it does not affect or injure his friend,
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and with absolute certainty other people will be found who will
extend Chessed and fulfill this friend’s need. But that is not at
all true of the obligations of a husband to do Chessed to his wife,
which are entirely and exclusively placed on the husband, as
the Torah emphasizes (Shemot 21:10) “He may not diminish her
sustenance or clothing or marital relations.” The RambaN explains
that the husband’s obligation not to diminish her sustenance does
NOT refer to his obligation to provide her with food, as Rashi
and other commentators explain, but rather as his obligation to
satisfy her emotional needs which are placed on him. Further
on we will explain that a wife is dependent on her husband not
only for her physical needs but also for her emotional needs, and
if a husband does not live up to his obligation to satisfy all of her
needs, he affects her and injures her, and she feels herself as being
lowly. Therefore, in the relationship between a husband his wife
there are more challenges and responsibilities to do Chessed, and to
perfect oneself in the levels of Chessed far greater than is possible .א רמאמ
between a person and his friend. Within a marriage relationship
there is the perfect opportunity to be good and perfect oneself in וֹתּ ְשׁ ִא ת ֶא ח ַמֹּ ִש ְו
the attribute of good – by doing “good.” The home is a learning
environment to perfect the virtue of “doing good” throughout the
entire day with all of his being, with his body and with his soul.
Within this relationship there are great opportunities to do good. ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ת ִא ח ַמֹּ ֶש ְו" ת ַו ְצ ֶמ ל ַע רוּס ָׁ ַל ףי ֶסּמ ֶ"י ֶא פּז ֲח ַה ןרָָמ
However, there also are great dangers to fall short in fulfilling the ל ָכּ ֶמוּ א ָב ָצּ ַל תא ֵצ ָלּ ֶמ רוּר ְח ֶשּׁ ַה ִֶ ּת ָנ ָוּ ַכּ .ה ָבוֹח :ת ַח ַא ה ָלּ ֶמ ר ַר
responsibilities that a household places on us if we don’t prepare
ourselves appropriately as we approach the building of a home. וּנְי ַה ,הָי ְג ִלי ֶוי ֶר ְׁ ּני ֵא י ֶתּ ְמ ַח ְל ֶמּ ַה ץ ָמ ֲא ַמּ ַל רֹז ֲע ַל תוּבְיּ ַח ְת ֶה
!ה ָבּח ּז א ָלּ ִא ,םי ֶאוּשּׂ ֶנּ ַל ה ָנֶּא ֶר ה ָנ ֶָ ךְ ִֶ ִמ ְבּ ר ִתִי תוּכ ְז
ת ִא רֹס ְמ ֶל ְו ה ָמ ָח ְל ֶמּ ַל תא ֵצ ָל ה ָבּח ַה ֵמ ה ָתוּח ְׁ הּ ָני ֵא ִֶ ה ָבּח
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!ל ֵא ָרֹ ְשֶי ם ַע פ ַע ַמ ְל ֶּ ְפ ַנ

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