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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 2 - Lesson 6 ב רמאמ - י ֶנ ֵֶ ר ִר ִׁ

determination as we’ve already said above. The key is “he will make וי ָל ָע ֵֶי י ֶכּ ,ה ָמ ָח ְל ֶמּ ַבּ רֹז ֲע ַל בוּיּ ֶח ל ָכּ ֶמ ּתּא םי ֶר ְר ְח ֶַ ְמ
his wife happy” - to worry over her and shower her with attention
from the goodness of his heart. Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler ZT”L writes תֶי ַבּ ַה דוּסֶּי :ל ֵא ָרֹ ְשֶי ל ַל ְכּ םוּיּ ֶר פ ַע ַמ ְל בוֶּ ָח תּח ָׁ אלֹ בוּיּ ֶח
in his book Michtav M’Eliyahu (volume one, beginning on page וּד ְרָי ר ִֶ ֲא ַכּ .םי ֶתּ ָבּ ַה ם ֵה ל ֵא ָרֹ ְשֶי ל ַל ְכּ ל ִֶ פָי ְנ ֶבּ ַה י ֵנ ְב ַא !ּלּ ִֶ
37) in the section on Chessed, that love is an outcome of giving.
By “giving” and in acts of Chessed the “giver” becomes joined to םי ֶתּ ָבּ םי ֶע ְב ֶֶ ְכּ ,"וּא ָבּ ּתי ֵבוּ ֶי ֶא" - םֶי ַר ְצ ֶמ ְל ל ֵא ָרֹ ְשֶי י ֵנ ְבּ
the recipient with bonds of love. The more a person “gives” the תי ֵב ְל ם ָתֹח ְׁ ְֶ ֶמ ְל" :ל ֵא ָרֹ ְשֶי ל ַל ְכּ ה ָנ ְמ ֶנ ךְ ָכ ְו ,םֶי ַר ְצ ֶמ ְל וּא ָבּ
greater is the love that is created between this couple. (This very
fundamental truism which is explained at length in that citation ל ִֶ ּנ ְס ָח אוּה תֶי ַבוּ תֶי ַבּ ל ָכּ תוּמ ֵל ְֶ .]'ב ,'א ר ָבּ ְד ֶמּ ַבּ[ "ם ָתֹב ֲא
must be the guiding light in the couple’s relationship). י ֶר ָנ" - ה ָנֶּא ֶר ָה ה ָנ ָשּׁ ַה ת ִא ֶי ֶד ְר ַה ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ פ ֵכ ָל !ל ֵא ָרֹ ְשֶי ם ַע

The things that concern the wife must be relevant to her husband, .תֶי ַבּ ַה תוּמ ֵל ְֶ ת ִא תּנ ְב ֶל - "ת ַח ַא ה ָנ ֶָ ּתי ֵב ְל הִי ְהֶי
meaning, he must show interest in them as though they pertain to
him, and visa-versa, as our master explains further on. When a wife םֶי ַמ ר ֵׁ ַס ְל רֹז ֲעַי ם ָשּׁ ֶמוּ ,ּתי ֵב ְבּ ב ֵֵֶי אלֹ ה ָמּ ָל - ל ַא ְֶ ֶתּ םִאְו
converses with her husband about the big and small things that אוּה - לי ֶג ָר ָכּ וי ָר ָס ֲע ַבּ ה ָנֶּא ֶר ָה ה ָנ ָשּׁ ַבּ ר ֵסּע י ֵר ֲה ,פּז ָמוּ
happened to her during her day which concern her he has to give her
his attention as we already explained this above, and when she tells ה ָרּתּ ַה ִֶ אי ֶה ה ָבוֶּ ְתּ ַה .וי ָרוּסּ ֶע ר ָא ְֶ ֶל ְו ל ֵלּכּ ַה ל ִא ךְ ֵלּה
him what is bothering her he should relate to what she is saying. פ ֵנ ְכ ַת ְל ל ַכוּיּ ִֶ י ֵד ְכּ ,י ֶרוּבּ ֶצ בוּיּ ֶח וי ָל ָע לי ֶטּ ַה ְל ה ָת ְצ ָר אלֹ
It could be that he will see those same things from a different
perspective and he does not view them as being as serious as she ת ִא ח ַמֹּ ֶש ְו - וי ָל ָע ל ָטּ ֻמּ ַה לּד ָגּ ַה בוּיּ ֶח ַל ם ֵא ְת ִה ְבּ וי ָרוּסּ ֶע ת ִא
does perhaps because her emotions control her and so those things ."ה ָבּח" - ֶ"י ֶא פּז ֲח ַה פ ָר ָמ ת ֶַ ָגּ ְד ַה י ֶהּז .ּתּ ְֶ ֶא
create a much greater impression on her than logical judgment
would dictate. Nevertheless, the mere fact that those things bother
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her must also weigh on her husband just as the right hand feels the
pain of the left hand (meaning, he cannot simply dismiss the things
that bother her as being trivial). Therefore he must try to cheer her .ב רמאמ
up and support her out of a true sense that they are partners in life
and he shares her sorrows.
?הּ ָח ְמּ ַשׂ ְמ ד ַצי ֵכּ

Because a woman’s emotions incline her to mood changes her
husband must support her with patience and tolerance, and hearten
her in all possible ways, as the master said “with words of support י ֵדְי ל ַע ,"ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ת ִא ח ַמֹּ ֶש ְו" אי ֶה ה ָנֶּא ֶר ָה ה ָנ ָשּׁ ַה תַדוֹבֲע
and encouragement that gladden her.”
אי ֶה ה ָמ - "?הּ ָח ְמּ ַשׂ ְמ ד ַצי ֵכּ" .תֶי ַבּ ַה ת ִא םי ֶנּבוּ םי ֶד ְסַּי ְמ ה ִז
Particularly during the days of her period a woman is more
emotionally fragile and her limbs weigh heavy on her and דּסְי ַה - דּסּ ַה ת ִא וּנ ָל ה ִלּ ַג ְמ א"ּז ֲח ַה פ ָר ָמ ?תאֹזּ ַה ה ָדּב ֲע ָה
understandably all of this will affect her mood, and at this time she ה ָכי ֶר ְצּ ִֶ ,ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה י ֵׁ ַל ְכּ תוּס ֲחַי ְת ֶה ַה ְו תוּג ֲה ַנ ְת ֶה ַה - י ֶר ָקּ ֶע ָה

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