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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 2 - Lesson 5 ב רמאמ - י ֶנ ֵֶ ר ִר ִׁ
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refer to an explanation of a teaching of Chazal (in Gemara Yevamot ה ָב ֲה ַא תוֹא ְר ַה ְל ל ֵדּ ַתּ ְשׁ ִה ְל" ה ָבּח ַה וי ָל ָע ת ִל ִטוּמוּ ,ּדּ ְג ִנ ְכּ ר ִז ֵע
62b) “One who loves his wife as he loves himself, and respects his
wife more than himself” – that the intent of Chazal is not to give her ּבּ ֶל ב ִר ִר ְבּ ִֶ רי ֶׁ ְס ַמ אלֹ ."תּא ְר ַה ְל" ל ַע אוּה ֶ ֵג ָדּ ַה ."בוּר ֵק ְו
respect as one would in social conduct, rather the intent is to take תאֹז ל ַע רי ֶה ְצ ֶה ּא ,הּ ָתּא ב ֵהּא אוּה ְו ,וי ָני ֵע ְבּ פ ֵח תא ֵצּמ אי ֶה
into account the desire of his wife and her personality. (“A person’s
desire is his honor, meaning, to be honored and respected) – In תּא ְר ַה ְל םּי םּי ךְי ֶר ָצ א ָלּ ִא ,תּד ָח ֲא םי ֶמ ָע ְׁ ּא ת ַח ַא ם ַע ַׁ
order to honor someone you have to be considerate of their likes. הּ ָת ָפי ֶא ְֶ רוּב ֲע ַבּ הּ ָל ַעי ֶגּ ַמּ ִֶ רוּשּׁ ֶא ָה ה ִז י ֶכּ ,בוּר ֵר ְו ה ָב ֲה ַא
She loves an atmosphere of closeness “Therefore he must relate
to her in closer bonding, because an attitude of strained respect .ּדּ ְג ִנ ְכּ ר ִז ֵע תּי ְה ֶל תי ֶדי ֶמ ְתּ ַה
and superficial honor has no place in a close relationship. A
little laughter and relaxed conversation is more desirable and י ֵר ְפ ֶס ר ֵבּ ַח ְמ ל ַע ַבּ ,ל" ַצ ַז י ֶר ְס ְבִי ְנ ַר י"ירגה פ ָר ָמ ב ֵתּכּ ךְָכְו
will do more to establish bonding than a relationship that is ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ת ַו ְר ֶתּ ר ַקּ ֶע ַעוּדָיּ ַכּ ..." :ךְ ֵר ְב ַא ל ִא ,בֹר ֲעַי תּלּ ֶה ְר
based on seriousness and anxious respect.
ה ָאּר אי ֶה ִֶ ְכוּ .הּ ָתּא ב ֵהּא ָה ל ַע ַבּ הּ ָל א ֵהְיּ ִֶ אי ֶה הּ ָמ ָלּע ְבּ
Obviously our master the Gaon Chazon Ish ZT”L does not mean a
relationship that is frivolous, rather a relationship in an atmosphere ל ַע פּגָי ְו ר ַע ַצ בֹר ֵמ ֶ ִפ ִנ ַחוּקּ ֶפ ְל בּר ָקּ ִֶ ט ַע ְמ ֶכּ ,ּני ֵא ה ִזּ ִֶ
that is light and pleasant – as opposed to one that is “heavy,” tense אוּה ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ל ִֶ הּ ָמ ָלּע ."תּיּ ַח תּנ ָמ ְל ַא ְכּ ה ָדוּמ ְל ַגּ הּ ָתּי ֱה
and serious. One must root within his home an atmosphere of
happiness. At the wedding of every couple we bless them with ל ַע ַבּ ַה פי ֵא ם ֶא ְו .הּ ָתָיּ ֶׁ ֶצ ְו הּ ָת ָו ְר ֶתּ ל ָכּ ּז ,הּ ָתּא ב ֵהּא ִֶ ל ַע ַבּ ַה
the blessing “The One who has created the joy and happiness וּני ֵלּד ְגּ פי ֵא .הּ ָמ ָלּע הּ ָד ֲע ַבּ ךְ ֶַ ָח - ךְ ָכּ ל ַע רוּשּׁ ֶא הּ ָל פ ֵתּנ
of a groom and his bride, rejoicing, song, delight and gladness,
love and brotherliness, peace and friendship,” meaning, in order םי ֶר ָב ְדּ ַה - "ֶ ִפ ִנ ַחוּקּ ֶפ ְל בּר ָר" פ ָר ָמ ב ֵתּכּ ם ֶא ,םי ֶמי ֶז ְג ַמ
to create love and a bonded relationship of peace and friendship ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ם ֶא .וי ָנ ָפ ְל וּא ָבּ ִֶ םיֹ ֶש ֲע ַמּ ֶמ תאֹז ַע ֵדּי ְו ,ם ָתָי ָוּ ַה ְכּ ם ֵה
within this couple, HaKadosh Baruch Hu created a spirit of joy and
happiness…to dwell within them. One must work and exert real ל ָכ ְל ה ָעי ֶג ְׁ תי ֵשׂ ֲע ַנ ְו ,פּא ָכּ ֶד ְבּ ת ִל ִפּנ אי ֶה ,תי ֶֶ ְפ ַנ ת ִר ִבּ ְֶ ֶנ
effort that this pleasant, supportive atmosphere should constantly .םּל ֶָ ְו ס ַח תּל ֲח ַמ י ֵני ֶמ
dwell in this couple’s relationship, particularly in their first year
of marriage since that year sets the pattern of their relationship of ת ִג ִאּד ְו ,תֶי ַבּ ַה ת ִא ה ָנּבּ אי ֶה י ֶכּ ,"י ֶתי ֵבּ" ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ְל א ָר ָר י ֵסּי 'ר
affection and bonding for the rest of their lives. It is an achievement
that is not easy to constantly maintain since in life there will occur אי ֶה תֶי ַבּ ַל הּ ָת ָג ֲא ַדּ .ר ֵתּי ְבּ םי ֶנּ ַט ְקּ ַה ְו םי ֶלּד ְגּ ַה וי ָכ ָר ְצ ל ָכ ְל
circumstances that are contrary to a happy and relaxed atmosphere. פ ֵכ ָל ְו .תֶי ַבּ ַה ךְּת ְבּ ַחּנ ְו בּט ְבּ ֶי ֶגּ ְרַי אוּה ִֶ ,תֶי ַבּ ַה ל ַע ַבּ פ ַע ַמ ְל
However, this is the job that the husband is charged with – to
continually be concerned with maintaining and nurturing a good ה ָׁ ַצ ְמ אי ֶה ְו ,תֶי ַבּ ַל ּת ָסי ֶנ ְכּ ע ַג ִר ֵמ ר ָב ְכּ "תּאוּשׂ ְנ ָהי ִני ֵע וי ָל ֵא"
and pleasant happy atmosphere. With the help of Hashem we will
elaborate on this topic further on in the fourth chapter, in the fourth 7. “like a lonely widow” \ תויח תונמלאכ הדומלג refers to a woman
lesson entitled “A pleasant attitude.”
abandoned by her husband, or whose husband is missing as she cannot
remarry but she is alone like a widow. (Rabbi Daniel Harris)
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