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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 2 - Lesson 2 ו רמאמ - י ֶנ ֵֶ ר ִר ִׁ
is established and bonded. “How does he make her happy?” What .ו רמאמ
exactly is this effort? Our Master the Chazon Ish revealed this secret
to us. The basic foundation of a relationship is rooted in the conduct
and relationship of the husband towards his wife. He must navigate לאֹמֹ ְש ד ַי ל ֶא ןי ִמ ָי ד ַי ְכּ - וֹתּ ְשׁ ִא ל ֶא ס ַח ַי
this path throughout his married life until one hundred twenty years.
Especially in the first year it must be guided properly, as in that
year we build the foundation for the continuity of a tranquil marital ןי ִמ ָי ד ַי סוּח ִי ְבוּ ב ָרֹק ְמ ר ֵתוֹי ן ֶפֹא ְבּ ג ֵה ַנ ְת ִה ְל ץ ֵמּ ַא ְת ִה ְל ךְי ִר ָצ ְו"
relationship and the building of a home. That is why the first year is תוּר ֵב ְדּ ל ִֶ ס ַחַי ֵֶי ."י ִיּ ִמ ְצ ַע א ָלּ ֶא י ִי ְצוּח ר ָב ָדּ וֹני ֵא ֶשׁ ,לאֹמֹ ְש ִל
crucial more than any other time in determining the quality of their
relationship and his conduct in that period determines the quality of ד ַחַי רי ֶבּ ְד ַה ְל ר ֶָ ְפ ִא .םי ֶמ ָצ ֲע י ֵנ ְֶ פי ֵבּ יֶי ְצוּח תוּדּ ְח ַא ְת ֶה ְו
their home more than anything that follows later on. ד ַע ,דֹא ְמ ר ָז ָח ר ִב ִדּ י ֵדְי ל ַע ל ִז ְר ַבּ ת ַכי ֶת ֲח ם ֶע ץ ֵע ת ַכי ֶת ֲח
- "יֶי ְצוּח ר ָב ָדּ" ה ִז ם ָלוּא ,וי ָר ָל ֲח ַל ד ֵר ֶָׁי ל ַבּ ד ָח ִא ץ ִפ ֵח וּי ְהֶיּ ִֶ
“Her nature is to take pleasure in her husband’s
appreciation of her, and she looks only to him for ל ָל ְכ ֶבוּ ,לאֹמֹ ְש דַי ְו םי ֶמָי דַי ם ָלוּא .ד ַחַי וּר ְבּ ְד ֶנ י ֶנּצי ֶח פ ִפֹא ְבּ
recognition.” ס ַחַי ם ִהי ֵני ֵבּ ֵֶי - ףוּגּ ַה ל ִֶ י ֶלא ָמ ְשּׂ ַה ר ִל ֵח ַה ְו י ֶנ ָמְי ַה ר ִל ֵח ַה
Hashem Yitbarach endowed women with the qualities that give her ד ַחַי םי ֶרוֶּ ְקּ ַה ד ָח ִא ףוּג ְו ם ִצ ִע ל ִֶ םי ֶר ָל ֲח י ֵנ ְֶ ם ֵה .יֶיּ ֶמ ְצ ַע
the ability to fulfill her role perfectly as a helpmate to her husband .ת ִפ ִתּ ֶֻ ְמ 'וּכ ְו םי ֶבּ ַצ ֲע ַו ם ָדּ י ֵל ְכּ ת ִכ ִר ֲע ַמ ם ִה ָל ֵֶי .פי ֶמי ֶנ י ֵפ ְל ַא ְבּ
and mother to their children. The statement (Beresheet 2:18) “I
will create a helpmate for him,” does not only reveal to us what וּנ ֵד ְמּ ַל ְמ א"ּז ֲח ַה פ ָר ָמ .ףוּגּ ַה ל ָכּ ל ִא ַעי ֶגּ ַמ פי ֶמָי דַי ְבּ ִֶ ב ֵא ְכּ
HaKadosh Baruch Hu wants to do, but it also creates and determines ת ַח ַא ה ָבי ֶט ֲח ם ֵה ,גוּזּ ַה י ֵנ ְבּ י ֵנ ְֶ פי ֵבּ ס ַחַיּ ַה תּי ְה ֶל ךְי ֶר ָצ ךְ ָכּ ִֶ
the nature of a women. Her entire being is (Beresheet 3:16) “A
helpmate standing next to her husband,” “and to your husband will ת ִא וֶּ ְר ֵׁ א ָר ְז ִע פ ְבּ ֶא ָה פ ֵכ ְו פ" ַבּ ְמ ַר ָה ."ד ָח ִא רֹ ָש ָב ְל וּי ָה ְו" -
be your desire” – all of her desire is focused towards her husband. ב ַהאֹיּ ִֶ ה ָרּתּ ַה ת ַנ ָוּ ַכּ פי ֵא ִֶ ,"ךָּמ ָכּ ךָ ֲע ֵר ְל ָתּ ְב ַה ָא ְו" רוּס ָׁ ַה
(The Midrash in Eliyahu Rabbah 9 asks) “Who is a ‘kosher’ wife?
The one who does the will of her husband.” The Midrash does not ה ִצּר אוּה ִֶ בּטּ ַה ל ָכּ ִֶ ה ִצ ְרֶיּ ִֶ א ָלּ ִא ,ּמ ְצ ַע ת ִא ְכּ ֶ ָמּ ַמ ּתּא
ask “Who is a good wife,” rather it asks “Who is a ‘kosher’ wife,” "ךָ ֲע ֵר ת ִא" אלֹ ְו ,"ךָ ֲע ֵר ְל" בוּת ָכּ פ ֵכ ָל .ּע ֵר ְל ם ַגּ הִי ְהֶי ּמ ְצ ַע ְל
meaning, a wife who is well-qualified and fitting for her role in the
family. Hashem Yitbarach graced her with this desire – a desire ּפוּג ְכּ בֹה ֱא ִל ךְי ֶר ָצ ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ת ִא ם ָלוּא .)תוּכי ֶר ֲא ַבּ ם ֶָ פֵיּ ַע(
to do the will of her husband. More than this, Hashem Yitbarach ףוּגּ ֶמ לאֹמ ְשׂ דַי ְו פי ֶמָי דַי - ת ַח ַא ה ָבי ֶט ֲח ם ֵה ִֶ פ ָוי ֵכּ ,ֶ ָמּ ַמ
graced her with a sense of satisfaction – to be a helpmate standing
next to her husband and doing his will, because only then can she .ד ָח ִא
successfully fulfill her mission. However, the woman is constantly אי ֶה ִֶ ה ָדּ ְב ֻע ָה ם ִצ ִע ְבּ א ָלי ֵמּ ֶמ תיֹ ֵש ֲע ַנ הּ ָני ֵא ּז תוּדְּחַאְתִה
looking for validation from her husband – is she helping him to his
satisfaction? Therefore “Her nature is to take pleasure from his י ֶפ ְכּ .ץ ָמ ֲא ַמוּ ה ָדּב ֲע ת ִֶ ִרּדּ ִֶ ה ָמיֹ ֶש ְמ י ֶהּז ,א ָלּ ִא ,ּתּ ְֶ ֶא
sense of satisfaction,” and because of that “her eyes look towards גֹא ְד ֶל - "ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ת ִא ח ַמֹּ ֶש ְו" אוּה ַח ֵתּ ְפ ַמּ ַה .לי ֵע ְל ר ַבּ ֻדּ ר ָב ְכּ ִֶ
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