Page 10 - KZN Business Sense - Hantie Plomp

THE INDIGNITY OF LONELINESS

Jacquie Bhana, High of employees and recognise
Performance, Coach, loneliness. Companies who
Mentor and Counsellor look after their employees’
mental health enjoy an increase
uman in productivity. There are
beings documented cases of success with
Hare social interventions implemented by
beings. They need companies across the globe.
gratifying social Secondly, there are a number
relationships of organisations that coach and
for mental counsel individuals and walk
and physical alongside them to assist. Important
wellbeing. though, the first step is to recognise
Flawed or and acknowledge that loneliness
absent is a legitimate feeling that can
social relationships can lead impact our mental and physical
to loneliness, which has been health. It is essential to understand
perceived as a global human that loneliness is not a sign of
phenomenon for aeons. Loneliness weakness or personal failure. It is a
is a common experience which natural human emotion that we all
does not discriminate against “Christmas GUTS ME every duties arise for survivors.” PB, 50 no one asked how he was. He wore experience at times.
anybody – young, old, male, year. I already accept there will “For without LONELINESS, a mask of competence and good
female, and on all parts of the not even be a PHONE CALL for how could we ever truly appreciate humour, which did not encourage The next step is to seek support
globe. It is an awful thing. me. My evening walk with the people to ask. Things appeared from others, whether that be
Sometimes it can be a prison of dog takes my soul every year COMPANY.” Catriona, 24 great with him. He realised people through friends, family, or
silence and invisibility, sometimes for curtains are open into living A Heavy Burden had formed relationships with the professional help. Sharing your
temporary confinement, and rooms full of families and friends, masks he wore, and not with the feelings and experiences can
sometimes it’s forever. In SA, I can hear them, sometimes smell Many of us can relate to people real him. help you feel less alone and
the South African Depression their turkey dinners, but most of who put their feelings out there provide a sense of connection and
and Anxiety Group (SADAG) all I feel their happiness knowing I for the world to see and one can Grief and Loss belonging. It is also important to
revealed that 70% of respondents will never have it.” Scout, 60 admire their vulnerability. The One of the major causes of find and connect with the people
in a survey reported feeling lonely, “I looked out the window to see experience of loneliness can be grief is the loss of a loved one. In that don’t make you feel alone in
with women more likely to report especially challenging because one case study, a subject vividly their company.
loneliness than men. OTHER APARTMENT buildings it can often go unnoticed or Another important aspect of
with a few scattered lights turned unacknowledged by those remembers the starkest period of
In the deliberations around the on and wondered who else around us, leading those loneliness when his father passed dealing with loneliness is taking
impact of Covid 19 on mental MIGHT BE AWAKE with me.” feeling lonely to feel even more away. For years he mourned him care of ourselves. This can mean
health, this issue has been brought Anonymous, 52 disconnected and alone. and said that he despised the void engaging in self-care activities such
to the fore. I have taken a major that settled over him, a void that as exercise, getting enough sleep,
“More than anything loneliness
interest in this topic, which is for me is about feeling alone in a John is one of many individuals would at random times suffocate eating healthily, and practicing
reinforced by the real-life stories crowd; a certain kind of sadness who has experienced the weight of him in its grip. Grief is a terrible mindfulness and meditation.
that I have had sight of, i.e. with not finding my tribe; an loneliness in his life. He describes thing, and often loneliness is not Engaging in activities that bring
testimonials of loneliness that I it as a heavy burden that he carries far behind. Later, he got divorced us joy and fulfillment can also be
came across – short accounts that inability to relate to the popular with him every day, and it affects after being married for many years, beneficial, whether it be through
values presented in mainstream
broke my heart and unleashed a media; not being able to find a not only his emotions but also his and in the shadow of that loss, he hobbies, volunteering or spending
wave of sadness for the indignity place of comfort and safety outside physical health by experiencing was eaten alive by the absence of time with loved ones. Seek
that loneliness causes. I have read constant fatigue and exhaustion, companionship. Even his children professional help, in some cases,
that if you have ever been truly of my home; a disappointment and while struggling to sleep at night. could not be a substitute for that loneliness can be a symptom of an
disconnect with the mainstream
lonely, you may be able to relate ways of the world.” Anonymous These physical symptoms are often feeling of being so very alone, and underlying mental health condition,
to the debilitating physical and the result of stress and anxiety that no conversation or gaiety could such as depression or anxiety.
emotional ravages it unleashes. “I was raised as a Jehovah’s come with feeling lonely. John also reach in and suture the gaping We know there isn’t one single
Witness. I STRUGGLED to leave finds it hard to get out of bed in the internal wounds. answer, but there may be a dozen
Accounts of Loneliness the faith for years, living a secret morning and lacks the motivation We can see that loneliness is a that keeps more of us from
“I spent two hours ALONE life where I hid many things about to do things he once enjoyed. titanic challenge that requires real suffering from a condition that
wandering around a store because myself.” Anonymous, 26 These thoughts can be intervention. There is a library of isn’t always outwardly obvious. No
I was TOO NERVOUS to ask “I read the Harry Potter overwhelming and contribute to questions, given that the problem one should be sitting alone in their
people to come with me. I ate two series eight times at the end feelings of depression and anxiety, is as deep as it is complex, with no homes or walking aimlessly, living
hotdogs and bought nothing.” of elementary school and the which can compound the effects single quick fix. Should we have in their own heads, and seeing the
Andrew, 24 beginning of middle school, of loneliness. How does John get more conversations? Should we happiness of others. More should
“To me, loneliness means when I because I didn’t have any friends out of bed and go to work as a practice ubuntu more? Must we have access to the possibility of pain
relief, care, belonging that comes
would stay home from school sick and the characters in those books productive and effective employee? crowd retirement homes and spend from building understanding and
and read tons and be excited about were the only things that made me And even when at work, some time with the silently forgotten? care. As human beings, we need to
my life until about 2pm, at which feel less alone.” Alexandra, 19 people cannot speak up about Must we reach out to young people, reach out to others that we know.
point I’d just be bored and vaguely “I was the ONLY KID that had no feeling lonely. One individual said, or open our homes for dinners and Who knows, maybe we can save
nauseated and wishing I had parent to kiss or hug them goodbye, “loneliness seems so sad. Lonely stimulating conversations? a life! 
someone to talk to.” Liz, 33 because my mom was a SINGLE people seemed so clingy and needy.” Recognise Loneliness
PARENT and couldn’t afford to He had a great job and a wonderful Contact Jacquie Bhana if you would like
be late for work. I had to wait 45 family and friends. His employer One major revelation from an coaching to become a high performance
Loneliness minutes after class had ended for had contracted a counselling individual experiencing loneliness employee and leader of a high
performance team.
was that the connection he needed
is a legitimate my mom to come pick me up. I service provider, so he called them a was not only to other people, but C: +27 83 386 8343
just sat there, while my teacher just
few months later. The very helpful
E: Jacquie.bhana@mbhana.co.za;
to himself. He needed his own
feeling that typed away at her computer… I just counsellor listened empathetically, approval, that he needed to know jacquie@jbhana.co.za
told him to do what he loved to do
wanted to be like all the other kids
W: www.jacquiebhana.co.za
can impact in my class.” Anonymous, 15 and ‘put himself out there’. In that and accept himself before he could
connect with others and the world
encounter, he began to appreciate
“I can find no one who knows
our mental what it is to survive war and the reality of loneliness: any cure around him.
In business, it has been said
or treatment seemed too hard; it
and physical ambushes, who was boots on the was an exhausting mountain to that there is no wealth, without
ground with me, who understands
mental health, so businesses must
health. all the associated burdens of climb. Weeks went by and his play a role in the mental health
loneliness continued – he realised
survival and what obligations and
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