Page 27 - Kindness - No Forward

Making Agendas Work for You

The key to using The Rule of Agendas effectively is to be aware that the
other person’s agenda at a particular time is more than likely different from
your agenda at the same time.

I want to talk about the trip, but you want to finish your work. Different
agendas.

I want the team to excel, but you want to be the star. Different agendas.

I want a lot of detail, but you want a quick summary. Different agendas.

So what do we do? Simple. We get on the other person’s agenda.

We can only use agendas to further good communications when one of the
parties is willing to meet the other person’s agenda. This is unless both
agendas are miraculously the same thing at the same time.

Pete is a friend of mine. He is a PORPOISE and he coaches football for a
local high school team.

One of the players on the team is a good kid named Frank. Frank is a
KOALA and last year he was the starting running back.

Frank’s dad is a LION and he wants to see Frank play. That is his task, his
mission, his primary agenda.

At the beginning of the season, everyone got along fine. Frank (the KOALA)
was part of the team, Frank’s dad (the LION) got to see him play every
game, and Pete (the PORPOISE) was well-liked by both of them. Their
agendas were similar enough that everyone was communicating well.

Then, for the good of the team, Pete made Frank a back-up player.

Frank, the team player, needed to be talked to, reassured, made to
understand he was still an important part of the team. But Pete, because
he was afraid of harming the relationship, avoided the conflict. And, of
course, Frank’s dad was not happy to see that his task wasn’t being
accomplished and that his son was on the sidelines.

As Frank’s playing time got less and less, the agenda differences began to
show. The same communication styles that had worked earlier broke
down.