Page 57 - Kindness - No Forward

Don’t Fight, Make it Right

Non-defensive behavior is like the name implies; I don’t intend to fight. I
intend to win by keeping control. (This is especially strong medicine for
getting along with LIONS, who lean towards conflict…PORPOISES,
KOALAS, and FOXES all tend to avoid conflict).

Non-defensive techniques can also be used assertively, such as when a
request is made.

Consider this exchange I initiated at a restaurant where the service was
poor and slow:

I asked for the manager and said, “This has not been a good experience.
This was our first time here and the orders were incorrect and entirely too
slow. I am not going to pay full price for this.”

The manager replied, “I’m sorry. Your server is new and we have a large
party in the other room.”

I replied, “I understand how you feel. I’m sure it is busy. I’m not going to
pay full price for this meal.”

The manager continued, “I’m sorry the night was bad. It is not normally
like this. There is nothing I can do.”

“I understand how you feel. I’m not paying full price for this.”

His response was, “Sir, I am really sorry. I wish this had been a better
experience for you and your guests.”

“I understand your concern. I’m sure this is not the normal service. I’m
not going to pay full price for this,” I responded.

At this point the manager turned to the server and said “This gentleman’s
ticket is on the house”.

The use of non-defensiveness in this case is combined with a repetitive
request, sometimes called a broken record.

This type of response works much better than such commonplace
statements as “I don’t care if you’re busy or not” or “I could care less if the
server is new!” But seeing the point of the view of the manager (“I