Page 117 - YOU CAN WIN - SHIV KHERA

RokZRooM Special ! You Can Win by Shiv Khera

♦ An argument throws heat; a discussion throws light.
♦ One stems from ego and a closed mind whereas the other comes from an open mind.
♦ An argument is an exchange of ignorance whereas a discussion is an exchange of
knowledge.
♦ An argument is an expression of temper whereas a discussion is an expression of
logic.
♦ An argument tries to prove who is right whereas a discussion tries to prove what is
right.

It is not worthwhile to reason with a prejudiced mind; it wasn't reasoned into him so you
can't reason it out. A narrow mind and a big mouth usually lead to interesting but
pointless arguments.
In order to discuss, let the other person state his side of the case without interruption. Let
him blow steam. Don't try to prove him wrong on every point. Never let him drag you to
his level. Treat him with courtesy and respect; that will confuse him.
Regardless of the cause, the best way to diffuse the situation is to:

1. give a patient hearing.
2. not fight back or retaliate that--will confuse the other person because he was
expecting a
fight.
3. not expect an apology. For some people, apologizing is difficult even if they have
made
a mistake.
4. not make issues out of petty matters.

Discussion entails not only saying the right thing at the right time but also leaving unsaid
what need not be said.
Children should be taught the art of speaking up but not talking back. As adults we
should learn the art of disagreeing without being disagreeable.
The way a person handles an argument reflects their upbringing.

I learned a long time ago never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty and besides, the pig
likes it.

--Cyrus Ching

Steps to Opening a Discussion

1. Be open-minded.
2. Don't be dragged into an argument.
3. Don't interrupt.
4. Listen to the other person's point of view before giving your own.
4. Ask questions to clarify. That will also set the other person thinking.
5. Don't exaggerate.
7. Be enthusiastic in convincing, not forceful.
8. Be willing to yield.
9. Be flexible on petty things but not on principles.
10. Don't make it a prestige issue.

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