Page 115 - YOU CAN WIN - SHIV KHERA

RokZRooM Special ! You Can Win by Shiv Khera

Some people live and learn while others live and never learn. Mistakes are to be learned
from. The greatest mistake a person can make is to repeat it. Don't assign blame and
make excuses. Don't dwell on it. When you realize your mistake, it is a good idea to
accept it and apologize. Don't defend it. Why? Acceptance disarms the other person.

Step 12: When the Other Person Realizes and Admits That He Has Made a Mistake,
Congratulate Him and Give Him a Way Out to Save Face

If we don't let him save face, we are hurting his self esteem.

Step 13: Discuss But Don't Argue

There are some personalities that can be labelled as argumentative and that shows in
their behavior and relationships.
Arguments can be avoided and a lot of heartache prevented by being a little careful. The
best way to win an argument is to avoid it. An argument is one thing you will never win. If
you win, you lose; if you lose, you lose. If you win an argument but lose a good job,
customer, friend or marriage, what kind of victory is it? Pretty empty. Arguments result
from inflated ego.
Arguing is like fighting a losing battle. Even if one wins, the cost may be more than the
victory is worth. Emotional battles leave a residual ill will even if you win.
In an argument, both people are trying to have the last word. Argument is nothing more
than a battle of egos and results in a yelling contest. A bigger fool than the one who
knows it all is the one who argues with him.

Is It worth It?

The more arguments you win, the fewer friends you have. Even if you are right, is it worth
arguing? The answer is pretty obvious. A big no. Does that mean one should never bring
up a point? One should, but gently and tactfully by saying something neutral such as
"based on my information . . ." If the other person is argumentative, even if you can prove
him wrong, is it worth it? I don't think so. Do you make your point a second time? I
wouldn't. Why? Because the argument is coming from a closed mind trying to prove who
is right rather than what is right.
For example, at a social get-together, especially after a few drinks, someone may say
authoritatively, "The current year's export figures are $50 billion." You happen to know
that his information is incorrect and the right figure is $45 billion. You read it in the paper
that morning or you heard it on the radio on the way to the get-together and you have a
bulletin in your car to substantiate it. Do you make your point? Yes, by saying, "My
information is that the export figure is $45 billion." The other person reacts, "You don't
know what you are talking about. I know exactly what it is and it is $50 billion."
At this point, you have several choices:

1. Make your point again and start an argument.
2. Run and bring the bulletin from your car and make sure you prove him wrong.
3. Avoid it.
4. Discuss but don't argue.

The right choice is number 3 only.

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