Page 26 - Journey of Hope by Raymond Moldenhauer

DAY36

A MOTHER'S REFLECTIONS

As I sit and stare at Alyssa, with all her tubes and wires, lying so
helplessly in her little plastic box, I am brought to tears by the
thought of how much I love her. I look at her and I see my
beautiful daughter, my angel, my constant reminder of God’s
miracles and love. I watch her sleep, I laugh at her antics, and I
am amazed at her emerging personality.

The good days are beginning to outnumber the bad, but those
bad days are never very easy. As alarms go off and the nurses
come to intervene, all I can do is stand by, watch, at times cry,
and pray. I feel so helpless, unable to protect my child, and
unable to make it better. But it is on those days of crying, that
God shows up and demonstrates His love for me and for Alyssa.
He allows Alyssa to do things that, in her own way, tell me “Mom,
you can help”. She grabs my fingers so tight as if to say “don’t
leave me, this will be OK”, or she looks me in the eyes as if to
say, “I know you”, or she simply gives me a smile at just the right
time. She also immediately begins to settle down from times of
stress as I sing “Amazing Grace” to her, and talk to her, or hold her
in my arms, or place my hands gently over her head and body. To
me, that is God’s way of telling me that He loves me. It is in
those little things that I find so much joy. It is in those small but
special things that Alyssa does that make this long journey
bearable. My prayer for Alyssa is simple: I pray that she knows I
am here, that she can sense my tremendous love for her, and
that she will rest in God’s strong and loving hands.

How gracious He will be when you cry

for help. Isaiah 30:19