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GIANT

EKONOMY-SIZE LIFT-OUT

MAGAZINE SUPPLEMENT
• MANAGER R. CHRISTOPHERS
• EDITOR R. CHRISTOPHERS
• LITERARY STAFF R. CHRISTOPHERS
• CIRCULATION R. CHRISTOPHERS
• READING PUBLIC R. CHRISTOPHERS
TO-DAY’S WORDS OF WISDOM - -
Get a wide education; do not specialize too soon for a socialist is a
person who learns more and more about less and less until he knows every
thing about practically nothing.
EDITOR’S MAILBAG - -
Dear Sir,
We believe that there is in the Sixth Form of your school a certain
green tracksuited individual who had his hair cut by a Victa mower in a
demonstration a while back. We should be grateful if you could arrange for
this person to contact us. as we believe our machines could do a far better job.
(Sgd.) INTERNATIONAL HARVESTER LTD.
Dear Sir,
1 have discovered the Southside ’smog source. The fair name of the
suburb of Hemmant has been blackened in this respect but now 1 have found
the real source.
Acting on a (filter) tip, one of my agents placed a smogometer in Room
7. Imagine his consternation and horror to find a saturation reading of 107.8
nicobars (king size)—an atmosphere of pure, undiluted, canciferous nicotine !
The poor boys in Rooms 6 and 8 could become addicted merely through
breathing.
Now it happens my firm makes the very thing to combat this — The
“Fogg” Anti-smog Helmet. The helmet is put on when the owner wishes to
smoke. A button pressed on the side of the helmet causes a lighted cigarette
(ignited by friction) to be shot from a receptacle in the front into the lips
of the smoker. (It requires a little practice but burn cream is supplied.)
The smoke is blown through a reticulating system into a reaction
chamber where, by the marvels of modern chemistry, it is converted into beer,
which may be imbibed through a tube. A special model for teetotalers which
produces pineapple juice, is available.
(Sgd.) PIIILEAS FOGG—Smog Investigator and Exterminator.
Dear Sir,
Is there any truth in the rumour that the Latvian system of mutual
cosegregation of boys and girls is going to be tried at Wvnnuin ?
(Sgd.) GOLDILOOKS— Form VI.
Dear Sir
For those houses who didn’t do too well in the Athletics, we have the
very thing for next year — double strength boronated soft drinks with g.s.o.
(garlic and sump oil additive).
Athletes who use this need do no training. All they require to do is
fill up on our drink before the race and light a fuse (supplied) and the result