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I had begun abusing the Adderall a little because it
would wear off early leaving me feeling tired and
unmotivated. For the most part, any time that I was awake, I
was on Adderall. I felt like I needed it to be a better mother,
business owner, house-cleaner, and friend. Plus, my
psychiatrist felt like I needed it, and I agreed.
I thought it was a supplement to help me function like
normal women. In my eyes, most women seemed to be like
superwoman compared to me. I was lethargic and
unmotivated without it, and sadly I wasn’t even close to
superwoman with it. I was just trying to survive with the goal
of meeting the status quo, which seemed impossible. I would
have loved to finish college but could never stick with it.
Between financial issues, workload, kids, and my energy
level, it wasn’t happening. I sadly accepted that I was not an
accomplished woman. I hadn’t even finished Paralegal
school to get my certificate due to a financial issue, and I only
had one more semester.
Unlike many people in sales, money did not drive me.
I didn’t have this huge desire for material things but would
try to have that desire hoping that it would fuel me into
wanting to sell more plans. Of course, I did need and want to
earn money to pay bills, but I didn’t want “stuff” bad enough.
The motivation came from it being a good product that would
help others. I stayed depressed and asked myself if being
happy was the purpose of life. At that time, I thought it was.
So, I tried to find out what would make me happy. I later
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