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talk to you later.” I said, “Okay,” and got in my car and drove

home.

At first, I was angry and hurt, but I quickly understood
that he was right. He made me realize that I had a problem,
and my behavior was a contributing factor, if not the entire
factor. It wasn't only about hearing voices. It was everything.

I realized that I wouldn’t be good enough for anyone; not
even myself. I realized how I had been blaming others for my
problems without taking much accountability for my part,
except for understanding some of “my part” in my failed
marriage to Wes. It was strange because I also had a lot of
self-hatred inside, and I beat myself up emotionally. One

night while spending the night at Brad’s house, I heard a
voice say something about sin and death and about me
having to pay a penalty. I believed that voice, and I was
terrified of going to Hell, so I soon stopped having sex with

Brad. We remained friends though.

Physically, I was sick. My diet was horrible. My health
was waning. I was a size 0 at Old Navy. I lived on large
fountain drinks, powered donuts, Whataburger meals, sodas,

large bags of Ruffles chips, smoked cigarettes, dabbled in
occasional recreational drug use, and took too much
Adderall. Family and friends were telling me to check back

into the hospital, but I wasn’t so sure.
Instead, I begged in tearful desperation for God to tell

me what He wanted me to do. I heard a new voice tell me to

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