Page 224 - It Ends with Us

Chapter Twenty-Six

I’m lying on Atlas’s gues t bed , staring up at the cei ling . It’s a no rmal
bed . Rea lly comfortable, actually. But it feel s like I’m on a water bed .
Or maybe a raft, adrift at sea . And I scale over thes e hu ge waves , ea ch
of them carr ying somet hi ng different . Some are waves of sadnes s.

Some are waves of ang er. Some are waves of tea rs. Some are waves of
sleep .
Occasiona lly, I’ll place my ha nd s on my stomach and a tiny wave of
love will come. I ha ve no idea ho w I can alrea dy love somet hi ng so
much, but I do. I thi nk about whet her or no t it’ll be a boy or a girl

and wha t I’ll na me it. I wond er if it will look like me or R yle. And then
ano ther wave of ang er will come and crash down on tha t tiny wave of
love.
I feel robbed of the joy a mother sho uld ha ve when she find s out
she’s preg na nt . I feel like R yle took tha t from me last ni ght and it’s
just one more thi ng I ha ve to ha te hi m for.
Hatred is ex ha usting .

I force mysel f off the bed and int o the sho wer. I’ve been in my
room most of the day. Atlas ret urned ho me sev era l ho urs ago and I
hea rd him open the door at one point to chec k on me but I
pret end ed to be asleep .
I feel awkward bei ng here. Atlas is the ver y rea son R yle was ang ry at
me last ni ght , yet he’s the one I ran to when I need ed hel p? Bei ng

here fil ls me with guilt. Maybe ev en a little bit of sha me, as tho ugh my
calling Atlas lend s cred ibility to R yle’s ang er. But there’ s litera lly
no where I can go right no w. I need a couple of days to proces s thi ng s
and if I go to a ho tel , R yle could track the cred it card cha rge and find
me.
He’d be able to find me at my mother’ s. At Allysa’s. At Lucy’s. He’s
ev en met Dev in a couple of times and would more tha n likel y go

there, too.