Page 226 - That’s Crazy ebook

That’s Crazy

and the shame of returning home as a failure kept being repeated over

and over in my head. I just stayed in bed and cried.

I did reach out to Jewel to see if she could provide me some

words of encouragement. I told her of my fears, how the pain was so

overwhelming.” How my mind had rationalized that it would not
matter if I was here or not, if I died, it wouldn’t matter, and I knew
my daddy and mama would follow me naturally in death. She

continued to talk with me for about an hour, I heard her, but I did not

hear her. This was the first time I had spoken to anybody about dying,
I allowed her to walk with me through my pain and rawness.

I hung up and refused to speak with anyone else. Marie had been
trying to contact me. When she could not reach me, she came back to

the house. It had also started snowing. She kept ringing the doorbell
forcing me to get up and answer the door. I just opened the door and

turned right around to go back to bed, I did not say anything to her. I
was mad at her returning because I have always prided myself with the

face. She was able to see me in the raw.

Marie had to leave early the next morning and came to my room

to check on me. I told her I was fine but deep inside I knew I was not.

I climbed back into bed and started dreaming. This is where it got
weird; my dream consisted of me lying in a coffin at a church. I could
see myself dressed in a red dress. I saw my obituary, but I could not

tell what I had died from, I saw my family and friends walking around

212