Page 143 - Essentials of Human Communication

122 ChAPTeR 6 Interpersonal Communication and Conversation

Table 6.1 six steps to an effective handshake
Here are six steps that, in the culture of much of the United States, go into an effective handshake.

Dos Don’ts
● Make eye contact at the beginning and maintain it through- ● Look away from the person or down at the floor or at your
out the handshake. hand that is being shaken.

● Smile and otherwise signal positiveness. ● Appear static or negative.
● Extend your entire right hand. ● Extend only your fingers or your left hand.
● Grasp the other person’s hand firmly but without so much ● Grasp the other person’s fingers as if you really don’t want to
pressure that it would be uncomfortable. shake hands but you’re making a gesture to be polite.
● Pump 3 times; a handshake in the United States lasts about ● Give the person a “dead fish”: Be careful that the other per-
3 to 4 seconds. In other cultures, it might be shorter or, more son’s pumping doesn’t lead you to withdraw your own
often, longer. pumping. Avoid pumping much more than 3 times.
● Release your grasp while still maintaining eye contact. ● Hold your grasp for an overly long time or release too early.

the context in which the conversation occurs, the purpose of the conversation, and the entire
host of factors considered throughout this text.
● Opening. The first step is to open the conversation, usually with some kind of greeting:
“Hi. How are you?” “Hello, this is Joe.” The greeting is a good example of phatic
communication— a message that establishes a connection between two people and
For a more extended discussion opens up the channels for more meaningful interaction. Openings, of course, may be
of phatic communication (also
and originally called phatic nonverbal as well as verbal. A smile or kiss may be as clear an opening as “Hello.” Greet-
communion), see “ABCD: Phatic ings are so common that they often go unnoticed. But when they’re omitted—as when a
Communion” at tcbdevito doctor begins a conversation by saying, “What’s wrong?”—you may feel uncomfortable
.blogspot.com. In what ways do and thrown off guard. Of course, the most common greeting, socially and especially in
you use phatic communication/ business, is the handshake, which is the focus of Table 6.1.
communion? ● Feedforward. At the second step, you (usually) provide some kind of feedforward,
which gives the other person a general idea of the conversation’s focus: “I’ve got to
Communication tell you about Jack,” “Did you hear what happened in class yesterday?” or “We
Choice Point need to talk about our vacation plans.” Feedforward also may identify the tone of
Feedforward the conversation (“I’m really depressed and need to talk with you”) or the time
You want to break up your required (“This will just take a minute”) (Frentz, 1976; Reardon, 1987). Conversa-
relationship with someone you’ve been tional awkwardness often occurs when feedforwards are used inappropriately—
dating rather steadily over the last eight for example, using overly long feedforwards or omitting feedforward before a truly
months. You want to remain friends but end shocking message.
the romance, something your partner has
no idea about. What might you say as a pref- ● business. The third step is the “business,” the substance or focus of the
ace (as feedforward) to your breakup speech? conversation. The term business is used to emphasize that most conversations are
goal directed. That is, you converse to fulfill one or several of the general purposes
of interpersonal communication: to learn, relate, influence, play, or help (see
Chapter 1). The term is also sufficiently general to incorporate all kinds of
interactions. In general, the business is conducted through an exchange of speaker
and listener roles. Brief, rather than long, speaking turns characterize most satisfy-
ing conversations. In the business stage, you talk about Jack, what happened in
class, or your vacation plans. This is obviously the longest part of the conversation
and the reason for the opening and the feedforward.
● Feedback. The fourth step is feedback, the reverse of the second step. Here you (usually)
reflect back on the conversation to signal that, as far as you’re concerned, the business is
completed: “So you want to send Jack a get-well card,” “Wasn’t that the craziest class you
ever heard of?” or “OK, so I’ll call for reservations, and you’ll shop for what we need.”