Page 148 - Essentials of Human Communication

The Principles of Conversation 127

● Express psychological closeness and openness by, for example, maintaining physical
closeness and arranging your body to exclude third parties.
● Maintain appropriate eye contact and limit looking around at others.
● Smile and express your interest in the other person.
● Focus on the other person’s remarks. Make the speaker know that you heard and under-
stood what was said, and give the speaker appropriate verbal and nonverbal feedback.
At the same time that you’ll want to demonstrate these immediacy messages, try also to
avoid nonimmediacy messages such as interrupting the other person, avoiding small talk,
making potentially offensive or condescending comments, closing off the channels of com-
munication (“I don’t have the time to chat”), or talking about things for which the other per-
son has no reference or experience. Nonverbally, avoid speaking in a monotone, looking
away from the person you’re talking to, frowning while talking, having a tense body posture,
and avoiding gestures (Richmond, McCroskey, & Hickson, 2008).
Not all cultures or all people respond in the same way to immediacy messages.
For example, in the United States (and in individualist and low-power-distance cul-
tures generally), immediacy behaviors are seen as friendly and appropriate. In other Communication
cultures (e.g., many collectivist and high-power-distance cultures), however, the Choice Point
same immediacy behaviors may be viewed as overly familiar—as presuming that a immediacy
relationship is close when it is only an acquaintanceship (Axtell, 2007). You’ve become interested in
In addition, recognize that some people may interpret immediacy behaviors as one of the other students in your class and
indicating a desire for increased intimacy in the relationship. So, if you’re trying to would really like to date this person. You
signal a friendly closeness, the other person may perceive a romantic invitation. want to appear friendly and interested but
Recognize too that because immediacy behaviors prolong and encourage in-depth not overly pushy. How might you use immedi-
communication, they may not be responded to favorably by persons who are fearful acy to make yourself appear likeable, friendly,
and interesting? In what context would you
about communication and who want to get the interaction over with as soon as attempt this? Through what channel?
possible (Richmond, McCroskey, & Hickson, 2008).

The PrinCiPle OF FlexiBiliTY Explore the Exercise
Because conversations vary depending on the people involved, the topic being talked about, “How Flexible Is Your
the context in which it takes place, and a host of other factors discussed throughout this text, Communication?” at
the effective conversationalist needs to be flexible. You can increase your communication MyCommunicationLab
flexibility by following a few simple steps:
● Analyze the specific conversational situation by asking yourself
what is unique or different about this specific situation and apply-
ing the concepts and principles discussed throughout the text.
● Mindfully consider your available choices for any given conversa-
tional situation, a suggestion offered throughout this text.
● Estimate the potential advantages and disadvantages of each
potential choice, using the theories and research evidence
discussed throughout the text.
● Competently communicate your choice, using the skills discussed
throughout this text.

The PrinCiPle OF POliTeness:
COnversATiOn is (usuAllY) POliTe
Not surprisingly, conversation is expected (at least in many cases) to ViewPOinTs
follow the principle of politeness. Six maxims/fundamental principles/ shake hands or kiss?
general rules/accepted truths of politeness have been identified by lin- It’s sometimes difficult to tell when you should shake
guist Geoffrey Leech (1983) and seem to encompass a great deal of hands and when you should hug or air kiss or actually kiss
what we commonly think of as conversational politeness. Before read- the other person. How do you tell which form of greeting
ing about these maxims, take the self-test on p.128 to help you person- will be most appropriate?
alize the material that follows.