Page 149 - Essentials of Human Communication

128 ChAPTeR 6 Interpersonal Communication and Conversation

TeST yOuRSelf

how Polite Are you?

Try estimating your own level of politeness. For each of the statements below, indicate how closely they
describe your typical communication. Avoid giving responses that you feel might be considered “socially
acceptable”; instead, give responses that accurately represent your typical communication behavior. Use a
10-point scale, with 10 being “very accurate description of my typical conversation” and 1 being “very inaccurate
description of my typical conversation.”
_____ ➊ I tend not to ask others to do something or to otherwise impose on others.
_____ ➋ I tend to put others first, before myself.
_____ ➌ I maximize the expression of approval of others and minimize any disapproval.

For a self-test that itemizes the _____ ➍ I seldom praise myself but often praise others.
factors that account for workplace _____ ➎ I maximize the expression of agreement and minimize disagreement.
politeness, see “Politeness in the
Workplace: Self-Test” at tcbdevito _____ ➏ I maximize my sympathy for another and minimize any feelings of antipathy.
.blogspot.com.
hOW DiD YOu DO? All six statements would characterize politeness, so high numbers, say 8–10, would
indicate politeness whereas low numbers, say 1–4, would indicate impoliteness.

WhAT Will YOu DO? As you read this material, personalize it with examples from your own interpersonal
interactions, and try to identify specific examples and situations in which increased politeness might have been
more effective.
Explore the Exercise
“How Polite Is Your Conversation?”
at MyCommunicationLab The maxim of tact (statement 1 in the self-test) helps to maintain the other person’s
autonomy (what we referred to earlier as negative face, p. 44). Tact in your conversation
would mean that you do not impose on others or challenge their right to do as they wish. For
example, if you wanted to ask someone a favor, using the maxim of tact, you might say some-
thing like, “I know you’re very busy but . . . ” or “I don’t mean to impose, but . . .” Not using
the maxim of tact, you might say something like, “You have to lend me your car this week-
end” or “I’m going to use your ATM card.”
The maxim of generosity (statement 2) helps to confirm the other person’s importance—
for example, the importance of the person’s time, insight, or talent. Using the maxim of gen-
erosity, you might say, “I’ll walk the dog; I see you’re busy.” Violating the maxim, you might
say, “I’m really busy, why don’t you walk the dog since you’re not doing anything important.”
The maxim of approbation (statement 3) refers to praising someone or complimenting
the person in some way (for example, “I was really moved by your poem”) and minimizing
any expression of criticism or disapproval (for example, “For a first effort, that poem wasn’t
half bad”).
The maxim of modesty (statement 4) minimizes any praise or compliments you might
receive. At the same time, you might praise and compliment the other person. For example,
using this maxim you might say something like, “Well, thank you, but I couldn’t have done
this without your input; that was the crucial element.” Violating this maxim, you might say,
“Yes, thank you, it was one of my best efforts, I have to admit.”
The maxim of agreement (statement 5) refers to your seeking out areas of agreement and
expressing them (“That color you selected was just right; it makes the room exciting”) and at
the same time avoiding and not expressing (or at least minimizing) disagreements (“It’s an
interesting choice, very different”). Violating this maxim, you might say “That color—how
can you stand it?”
The maxim of sympathy (statement 6) refers to the expression of understanding, sympa-
thy, empathy, supportiveness, and the like for the other person. Using this maxim, you might
say, “I understand your feelings; I’m so sorry.” Violating this maxim, you might say, “You’re
making a fuss over nothing” or “You get upset over the least little thing. What is it this time?”